Action-packed! | Script Revolution


What I Loved: 

Action-packed and entertaining episode. Strong, visual opening.

Reasonable amount of characters. (Easy to keep track of everyone.)

Hanzo/Kotaro is quite a cool, colorful character. A real attention-getter with his split personality/cloning capabilities.

A stolen baby is definitely interesting... ;D

Some terrific description:

Throws a kunai knife onto the wall behind him, Hanzo make (makes) 3 copies of himself and uses them as decoys for the darts.

The poison darts hit the Hanzo copies right after he teleports to the kunai knife on the wall.

While falling, Hanzo creates multiple clones and used (uses) them
as stepping stones.

What I'd Love To See: 

All the action makes a compelling story.

Does this story take place long ago? There's no time period mentioned. Some of the terminology used (intel, pissed off, cocky) made me wonder if it's supposed to be present day.

A couple suggestions --

Trim the dialogue. Usually one to three lines maximum provides lots of "white space" on the page. (Readers like this. Makes reading easier and quicker.)
A few lengthy dialogues can be ok, but should use sparingly. Perhaps keep those with the most important information. (If there are fewer of them, there’s a tendency for those longer dialogues to be even more impactful. They stand out.)

Condense some description too. Same "one to three lines max" (similar to dialogue) might be a good place to start.

Probably don't need INTERRUPTS/INTERRUPTION throughout. (It's pretty clear when characters and action are being interrupted in the story.)

Good luck!

In my humble opinion,
KPM :)