Example of a query letter/email that got a positive response?...

There was a fab Zoom meeting for Rockstar members a while ago, all about how to cold pitch in an email. It's really quite simple. I have a (whatever kind of) script/screenplay I think you'll like (based on my careful research), may I send you a synopsis? But! In your own words, always. That's it. I've had nothing but positive emails since. Even though I got a couple of rejections, they were so nice about it that I can't call them rejections. More like pleasant conversations with industry members.

However, I strongly advise against copying and pasting anyone's email format. I wouldn't recommend anyone post anything to copy and paste. You’re asking to copy someone's copyright, so you can spam a bunch of industry members. I appreciate you want to cut through the noise, but what you want is to, essentially, create noise.

How to write a query? Be creative. Talk to the person the way you'd talk to your friends. Keep it simple.

No. Always ask if you may send a synopsis. Don't send a logline either. Queries are conversation starters, nothing more.

Truth is, so much of what you can find for free online is in fact false. I've also seen blog posts claiming this is how you write a query, and it's 100% false. More often than not, it's written by someone who has never had a conversation with an industry member, and they're just fishing for free web traffic.

I'm glad to help.

1) Don't worry about formats or keywords. Keep it conversational, the way you'd talk in everyday life. It's not any different from talking to someone in person.

2) It's best not to mention any awards, especially for the first email. There are a handful of legit competitions, well-known by industry members, where the first place prize is a pitch session with a producer or exec, and there would be no need for queries. So, by mentioning awards in a cold pitch, you're basically saying, you're not a winner.

No problem and best of luck!

I used the Screenwriting Staffing Query Letter service; it was a very short bio, synopsis, and logline. I did it for four months, got 48 script requests (pitched 2 scripts per letter). 

Jerry, that's really interesting. I've been considering Screenwriting Staffing script services lately. I can do cold pitches, emails aren't a problem for me, but it seems that site's script services are much more direct, zero hoop jumping, and I like that idea.

Jerry, thanks for sharing your experience. I've considered trying Screenwriting Staffing services, but never thought about pitching two scripts per letter.  Great idea!

Andrea, I'm pretty sure that's just how it works when you select the two query letter option, and you get a bit of a discount for two.
https://www.screenwritingstaffing.com/query-letter-blast

You're correct, Lily. When the letter goes out, I start getting replies about an hour or so later, and on the other end of the spectrum, I got one yesterday from a letter that was sent in February.

It's a good service and they will help you format the letter. The replies have been from all over the map - from well established producers to small budget companies. I landed a manager through one of the query letters.

The two pitches make for a long email - but it goes out on their letterhead and to their contacts - so you have a better chance of not being deleted. Don't worry about the length; I usually pitch two at a time - two different genres. Someone may skip down to the horror pitch while someone else might read the holiday one. 

I was weary when I first tried it, but the results have been very good! 

So encouraging, Jerry. Thanks so much for sharing all the details!

Ah, thanks for the clarification. It's been a while since I've checked out that site. Jerry, I appreciate all of the additional information! 

My pleasure.

If you check out their facebook page, you can see the query pitches they post on the site and see what they look like. 

This was an interesting video on query letters. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBn-FGd6W-4

Here is a sample of one I did based on the video:

============================================================

Dear, David:

LOGLINE 

A hot-headed Hollywood producer ends up in a life-changing romantic tangle after a small-town, writer posts a blog story about the emotionally charged personal items she finds in his lost luggage.  

TITLE 

My new feature script is a romantic comedy called BAGGAGE. 

COMPARABLES 

A dialogue and character-rich romantic comedy In the tradition of WHEN HARRY MET SALLY and NOTTING HILL.   

WRITER 

My name is David Lambertson. I have several produced short films as well as significant success in screenwriting contests. Currently, I have five feature scripts in COVERFLY’s top one percent, including BAGGAGE which was a 2021 PAGE Finalist.  

Can I send you a copy of BAGGAGE for your consideration? 

Just to show what one would look like based on the video. I have no idea if it meets the sweet spot or not.

It's actually...fairly off the mark. I mean no offense to you David, but being honest here, it reads like the kind of spam I would delete. I know that video and it's a good one, but your letter isn't similar at all. In that video, they both talk about how contests are not a consideration, therefore, don't put it in your query, ever.

I haven't had the chance to use Screenwriting Staffing's query service yet, but I'm definitely going to give a try. I did some more poking around. Though I don't have an interest in their query contest, every winner's query with full synopsis is available to read on the website. It's both eye-opening and also confirming for me. It's simple. Just the facts.

Lily: ???  David's example was exactly what the video mentioned, in the exact order of what they said to include in a query letter. I'm positive he doesn't mean for us to include the words LOGLINE, TITLE, COMPARABLES or WRITER in the actual query; he listed them to explain the sections of his letter for those who don't watch the video. Also, in this video they do say it's ok to include certain larger contests in your query if you're a finalist or winner--like Nicholl, ScreenCraft, etc. I would consider Page right up there.

David:  Thanks for taking the time to share this video and your sample letter! A good example of keeping it simple.

In the spirit of being helpful, here's a link to some pitch/query tips from some professionals on Virtual Pitch Fest.  Naturally, their opinions vary, so it just goes to show that there's no one "right" way.   

https://www.virtualpitchfest.com/how-it-works/pitchtips/

I'm not trying to be all argumentative, just pointing out the major differences. Sure, exact format is the same, but content is another matter, Chuck's query introduces what he's done first, but bear in mind he's an established well-known writer, so it's more like a friendly reminder that says, oh right, this guy, don't delete.

It's hard for us emerging writers without any major connections. It's an old catch 22. You need experience to get your first job but you need your first job to get experience. But, as proud as you might be of your accomplishments, there really isn't a way to prove you're a good enough writer who's going to deliver a quality script in only a one page email.. So, the simple solution,is, just don't.

The biggest difference between applying for a job and a query is that you're not applying for a job. You're offering an invitation to read your script because (fill in the blank) and hope it leads to a successful business relationship.

There's one query letter winner that I can imagine many would object to but it makes sense. The writer is a psychologist who wrote a psychology series. So it reads like a thesis you might find at a university. And hey, if it works, then it works.

On a funny side note, whenever I have to think about queries/letters, I keep getting reminded of a guy I knew who broke in as a graphic designer by sending a box to a company. Inside was a shoe and a note that read "I'm just trying to get my foot in the door." And he was hired right away.

Lily: 

1)  What “major differences” that weren’t already plainly stated in the video? It literally opens up with Scriptfella asking, “How do you nail a killer query letter to agents and producers and get them to read your screenplay?” He and Chuck go on to cover the five sections with Chuck explaining that he developed the system David used “for people without established credits” but includes the caveat that “if you have produced credits with named actors then you move this up to the top of the list” to hook them. Chuck clearly explains why his is different. So, while there are many different acceptable ways to write a query letter, David was following this system. He states at the end of his post that his sample is “based on the video.”

2)  To tell another writer in a public forum that their sample—offered with the best intentions, without asking for feedback—is “off the mark,” reads like “spam” and is “not similar at all” to the video he posted (which is blatantly false) is not a good look and may discourage other members from sharing/contributing, especially if they don’t have David’s confidence. 

3)  I agree it’s hard for emerging writers without major connections. We all take different approaches. You don’t want to use this system? Then don’t. That’s your choice, but other writers might find it helpful—which was the point of the video and this thread. Maybe think of David’s post as another tool, not a rule.

Andrea, I love how you're defending David. It's rather sweet.

David's letter is not wrong within itself. It just reads like a job application for a position that already exists, when it doesn't. There's a lot of unanswered questions. Why did you write this script? What makes you the most qualified to write this script? What about you says you're willing to work with a producer? Why choose to start a conversation with this specific producer? Or filmmaker, studio, manager, whatever. Is this script a movie meets another movie or just in the vein of certain movies? Original screenplay or based on known IP?

Are any of these questions and their answers relevant to a query? Maybe, maybe not. That's up to David to decide.

There was a video a while back, several producers from Stage32, just chatting. One said something I'll never forget just because I couldn't agree more. She said, I'm only interested in talking to writers who have done their homework.

Just in case it's unclear, I am bearing in mind cold queries only. I am not, under any circumstances, saying there's only one right way, because of course that's untrue. In fact, cold queries are not the only way to get a script produced, it's one out of many.

Woke up to this.

Andrea - thanks, you nailed it - spot on. Also - thanks for the links - very useful.

Lily - you might want to re-watch the video. The sample I presented is pretty much dead bang on with the video.  You'll notice that he says if you don't have produced credits, include contests. Dominic's discussion at the end references perhaps limiting it to major contests.  Regardless, even if it was way off (which it ain't), Rather than pissing all over my sample (which I only provided to meet the original poster's request for a sample), be helpful and provide your own. e.g., hey, I think I have an even better way to query - take a look at this.

To all: I think the most difficult part of the QL for most of us is going to be the "about the writer". We don't have major credits, nor extensive paid experience, and in many cases even contest wins. We're people with a dream that think they've written a great spec. So what is there to put in terms of about the writer? I've tried a dozen different ways. e.g., Years ago I opened a query letter to Anonymous Content like this: 

My name is David Lambertson.  I am an amateur screenwriter who has done extremely well in screenwriting contests and am now taking steps towards commercial success. I am confident that I have written features that fit nicely with your catalog of films.  They are:

Then I listed some loglines and titles.

No success with this approach. Would be an interesting discussion ala how do we handle the about the writer section of the query?  It really is the only difference between us and the pros in terms of queries. We both have loglines, synopsis, hooks, etc - Pros have paid credentials - we don't. Wish there was a clever way to handle that.

Lily: Part II - saw your last response after I posted the above.

You are missing the point. I'll try again.

1. I post a video from a guru saying here is how to write a query.

2. I post a sample based on that video.

3. You post a response that says the sample is not at all like the video.

4. Andrea - and then I - post a response - um.. yeah it is.

5. You change course entirely and make a post that basically shows disagreement with what the guru's video was about.  i.e., there were several elements you would include in your query that he wouldn't include in his.WHICH --- drumroll.........

Should have been your response in the first place. 

Best of luck to you.

David, I found your query simple, clear, and appealing. You didn't ask for critique but just one thought, "emotionally charged objects" is a bit vague and maybe specifics or something to visualize would bring it into focus.

I follow the trades through email subscriptions (just free sites for now) and generally keep up with agency news and projects financed by indie producers. I've tailored some queries for producers and managers to align with their recent work and briefly mention what I like about it, just as an opener.

I'm curious, does anyone link to their projects on SR in their initial queries?

I'm curious, does anyone link to their projects on SR in their initial queries?

I use my profile link as a part of the signature for all initial emails. For more specific links, such as the script page or a link to the ScriptHop page, I just have them on hand in case someone asks for more info.

Hi, Kaye - Thanks for weighing in. In terms of this: "emotionally charged objects" is a bit vague and maybe specifics or something to visualize would bring it into focus." -  I think that is great advice. I'm going to make a change there. Gracias.

"I've tailored some queries for producers and managers to align with their recent work and briefly mention what I like about it, just as an opener."

I think it's a very strategic approach. I do that as well hen I run across firms that have a nice alignment with what I write. 

I'm curious, does anyone link to their projects on SR in their initial queries?

I don't for a couple of reasons:

Not an IT guy myself, but an IT expert buddy of mine advised against it as several businesses are encouraging employees to auto-delete any emails from parties unknown with links because of virus/mal-ware concerns.

The link to SR is going to take you to a READ REQUEST approval page (which I love) but if I am an agent I think I would be a bit put off with a link to a page that made them go through another request loop to read a script - no evidence - just my gut feeling.

I'm familiar with problems from links when working at a company. I've seen it happen many times. When companies are functioning from a network and one person's computer is infected by a virus or malware, all computers are also infected in the exact same second. It's a massive headache and can cost a lot of money to fix.

I've yet come across an industry member who's open to receiving queries from unknown emails and accessing the internet through a company network. If they were, they wouldn't be open.

There are many who have online forms for submissions/queries, which is smart, because that's a secure way to receive anything without problems. Every producer I've come across who's open to queries have said that they want a link to a profile of some kind, with a photo, so they can know who's talking to them. Using my SR profile link has worked for me.