hello everyone.
I have written a half-hour TV pilot for a comedy called, Get it Together, Tina. The story is about Tina who feels stuck in a rut and is trying to find some way to get out. She thinks the best way to do this is to get back together with her on-again-off-again boyfriend, Tad. Tina's two best friends know that this is a horrible idea and want to stop the relationship from happening. The catch is Tina's two best friends do not get along because of an incident in their past. I thought I had a logline that did the job of catching the attention of the show, but I have been told that it could be much better. I am drawing a blank as to what to improve it with or how to rewrite it. I would appreciate any ideas about making a more appealing logline.
Logline:
An uncomplacent, woman decides to get back together with her ex-boyfriend even tho it's a horrible idea. Her two best friends must figure out how to put their own differences aside and not kill one another long enough to break these two up for good.
"uncomplacent"?
that aside, i'm getting the vibe that the two best friends are the co-protagonists of the show, not Tina – if that's the case, then maybe the logline could read something like this:
Two ex-friends must join forces to save their mutual best friend from making the mistake of trying to rekindle her relationship with her old boyfriend. But can they set aside their shared animosity for each other long enough to rescue their friend?
no doubt that this can refined further, but hopefully it's a start
good luck with it – it sounds like a fun premise
PS – the logline is already in danger of running long, but i was wondering what sort of world this story will be set in? – if you have set it somewhere that feels interesting or new, that could really help sell the idea
Robert,
Thank you for responding and helping me with this. In my head and the roadmap I have laid out for the series, Tina is the protagonist, she is trying to live a better life, get a better job, get married, etc. Her two best friends start to look more like antagonists as the story progresses. I think the dynamic of the two best friends trying to sabotage the relationship is what throws me off.
What inspired you to write the pilot?
Lily,
A few years ago, my wife and I were trying to find something to watch and I remember stopping on a variety of shows and watching them for 5-10 minutes. During our visual taste testing, I remember saying "some of these shows are so bad how did they get the green light? Some of these comedies aren't even funny?" My wife gave the obvious and time-tested response " if you think you can do better write one yourself". So that's what made me start writing. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I am willing to put in the work and try to find a way into the industry.
Robert, heh, good story. While I agree many sitcoms these days aren't that funny, at least not to me. Sometimes I find out a show is very funny, but for a different generation. And what are you gonna do? Personally, I just accept I'm not the right audience for the show.
If your goal is to provide comedy for a wider audience, I'd recommend including that, in whatever creative way you feel is best, in your logline. But, I'd also recommend caution. Ultimately, no really cares as long as it appeals to a big enough audience, in other words money. If you say something like, and I'm making this up off the top of my head, a 20-something University student breaks up with her boyfriend, etc etc, then it better be funny to Gen Z.
Your logline is a bit clumsy. I mean no offense, truly. I'm just seeing it from a producer's perspective. Budget, targeted audience, location, generation/age, just examples, are missing. I know it can be disappointing to see your craft in such clinical terms. but that's what producers and/or studios look for in scripts. What I'm seeing is more so just vague ideas from your logline. Don't be afraid to just blurt it out. At worst, you can rewrite if you don't like it.
LOGLINE:
'Two best friends of a third, in a TRICKY romance with a fourth, MUST find a way to FIX their DESTRUCTIVE relationship - before it DESTROYS them ALL.'