All Hands On Dick by Paul Glen Neuman | Script Revolution

All Hands On Dick

Desperate to rekindle his sagging career, former action superstar Dick Landberg signs on as the lead in a film before he's read the script, only to discover his comeback vehicle is an all-gay pirate movie.

Type:

Status:

Page Count: 
105pp

Genre:

Budget:

Age Rating:

Synopsis/Details: 

When he was at the top of his game, mega-star Dick Landberg pulled in $20 million per picture. After one "Die Hard" rip-off too many, though, he became an industry pariah.

Ten years later, Landberg lives in obscurity, hiding from creditors and three ex-wives. This is when he is offered $10 million play-or-pay to star in a film.

Landberg can't sign the contract fast enough. His joy is compounded when he arrives at 3P Studios and discovers his co-star is Buddy Brittle, his trusty friend and sidekick from his "Die Hard" knock-off days.

After Landberg meets Carlton de la Tour, the film's flamboyant director, the cast begins a read-through of the script. Immediately, Landberg calls attention to a typo on the title page where Swashbuckler, instead, reads as Swishbuckler.

Turns out it's not a typo and Landberg flips out. Swishbuckler, the film he's committed to, is an all-gay pirate movie.

To further poison the well, Landberg learns that Buddy Brittle is and always has been gay...AND he has always been in love with Landberg.

With true friends in short supply, however, Landberg reluctantly agrees to continue as Swishbuckler's star, triggering an avalanche of adverse publicity in the tabloids that relentlessly rakes Landberg's character over the coals.

Braving the condemnation of his three ex-wives, a shoestring budget that gets slashed even further, and a make-up artist who leaves his face looking like a slice of Key Lime pie, Landberg ultimately survives filming Swishbuckler to emerge, thanks in no small part to his good friend Buddy Brittle, a much better man.

Submitted: October 5, 2021
Last Updated: October 5, 2021

Want to read this script? You must join the revolution first. Don't worry, it's free, easy, everyone's welcome, and you can start reading right away.

Paul Glen Neuman's picture

The Writer: Paul Glen Neuman

Screenwriter. Novelist. Playwright. Actor. Singer. Songwriter. Military brat. About Me I am a multi-optioned screenwriter who enjoys writing in a variety of genres. My scripts reflect my background as an actor, director and playwright. Eighteen published books. Novels sold in the U.S., Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, and throughout Scandinavia. My produced comedy feature All About Books - The Movie was released in 2018 and distributed by Caps Media Ventura. As a professional writer I am dedicated to creating the best screenplays and novels possible. Thoughts on Writing Writing isn't something you happen to do; it's something you must do. The ability to write is a gift. You can be... Go to bio
Law Firm: Law Office Richard N Joseph 8383 Wilshire Blvd Beverly Hills, CA 90211 (323) 782-1776 rjoseph@rjml.net

More Scripts From Paul Glen

Limited Engagement
When Paula Rae and Cynthia discover they were both dumped at the altar, they form a pact to target each other's ex-boyfriend to make them pay for their heartless behavior in more ways than one.
Feature Comedy, Romance For sale 99pp
3 readers love this script
24/7 Dead
In a world where science allows cops killed in the line of duty to remain on the force, Detective Steckler and his undead partner battle zombies during the most dangerous eight-hour shift of their career.
Feature Horror, Thriller For sale 97pp
1 reader loves this script
Outrider
A Civil War veteran avenges his brother's murder...one bullet at a time.
Feature Western For sale 96pp
Wishcraft Inc.
The devil decides to retire and Kahuna and Shade, his two top demons, compete to fill the old man's shoes by using a one-hit wonder singer-songwriter to bring about the end of the world.
Feature Comedy, Fantasy, Music For sale 93pp
Executable
College student John Strickland has something to die for—the file of the only surviving copy of everyone in the Federal Witness Relocation Program that the New York Mob and the Russian Mafia desperately want.
Feature Thriller For sale 96pp
Fairy Trail
In a world that co-exists with characters from classic fairy tales, Officer Glen Marcus is called upon to investigate the murders of the Three Little Pigs.
Feature Adventure, Animation, Comedy, Crime, Fantasy For sale 99pp
Arrivederci Speranza
Tonio Ziccardi copes with his wife deserting him on the day of their fifth wedding anniversary-especially devastating and humiliating considering Tonio works as a marriage counselor in Rome.
Feature Comedy, Romance For sale 105pp
Staff Infection
Carver Wells fights for his life after an ER patient unleashes a deadly contagion that traps Carver inside a hospital thrown into a quarantined lock down.
Feature Horror For sale 95pp
Flushed
When twin coaches of the football team with the worst record in Florida state history have one season to play in a Bowl game or lose their jobs, their only hope is the Toilet Bowl.
Feature Comedy, Sport For sale 100pp
Scratcher
When a grocery store chain sponsors a contest and winds up with too many Grand Prize winners, they hire a hit man to bump off the winners. Not all the winners are easy to kill.
Feature Action, Adventure, Comedy, Crime, Romance For sale 92pp
Cold Warriors
Based upon factual events, when corporate downsizing hits the Central Intelligence Agency, not all of the agents being let go are content to stroll quietly off into the sunset.
Feature Action, Thriller For sale 104pp
Milk Men
After convincing the city's kids to buy milk instead of sweets, Milk Man and his sidekick Calcium Boy must battle the nefarious forces of the Fein & Dandy Candy Company.
Feature Adventure, Comedy, Crime, Fantasy For sale 109pp
Davy Cricket
A cricket born and bred to be pet food escapes his fate and embarks upon an exciting adventure full of danger, discovery and unexpected friendships.
Feature Adventure, Animation, Comedy, Family For sale 107pp
Assassins Don't Pay Rent
Charlie West searches for his private investigator uncle's killers, assisted by Philip Spade, a "fictional" detective come to life and the woman who hired his uncle for the case that got him killed.
Feature Adventure, Crime, Film-Noir, Mystery, Romance For sale 93pp
Shell Shocked
After 24 years, Walnut Creek’s Walnut Festival replaces their King Walnut mascot with Sammy the Squirrel. Now Larry Sweet/King Walnut is cracking up. Heaven help the citizens of Walnut Creek.
Feature Comedy, Fantasy For sale 99pp
Moonsters
Decades after President Nixon ordered a moon rock broken up and distributed worldwide, a massive solar storm striking Earth reveals that the "rocks" are really seeds left on the moon by an alien invasion force.
Feature Adventure, Family, Horror, Sci-Fi For sale 97pp
Uncle Scam
A seasoned government auditor and his rookie apprentice run for their lives in Orlando when a routine audit leads to a murder and they are the only suspects.
Feature Action, Comedy For sale 105pp