Darkest Before the Dawn

Fisher Stark, 26, pallid and gaunt, stares down an old, scarred draft horse, Bluebell. She knocks Fisher down but trots off instead of stamping on him. Fisher stares after her, eyes wide, filled with the first spark of life they’ve contained in a long while. Fisher has landed at STARRY, a horse therapy ranch in the Red Centre of his native Australia. Scenes and flashbacks of Fisher’s past two years interweave with the present. Fisher has been photographing unspeakable horrors while spiraling down into a Faustian bargain with his own, private Mephisto: Paul Hawkens, a Dark Web broker for “art” no sane person would want to see. Two weeks into his stalled therapy, Fisher has an explosive PTSD episode. His therapists and loving family call in the one person they hope can get through Fisher’s armor: his estranged father, Charlie. Fisher and Charlie get off to a rough start, hammering ruthlessly at each other’s weakest points, both often hitting home. To escape all the tension, Fisher turns ever more frequently to Bluebell. One day Bluebell, fed up with his regular outbursts, blows a snot rocket right in his face, and walks away. Fisher takes it as a challenge. Through “Bluebell-Vision”, appearing throughout the story, we see glimpses into the horse’s memories, things that explain something of her history and behavior, things that give us insights into her perspective on Fisher and his progress. As Fisher begins to cooperate, his health starts to improve. Even his relationship with his father shows actual progress as he starts to re-discover the man he loved when he was a child. Everything just might end up okay. Except for the unexpected and unwelcome return of Hawkens, who tries to lure Fisher back into the shady world of war-death porn that both made Fisher rich and left him a ghost of himself. Once away from Hawkens, Fisher turns once more on his family, venting a formless rage at the world; he even tells Bluebell he hates her and wishes she were dead. Packing to leave – running away, after all, is what Fisher does when his feelings threaten to escape – Fisher chances upon a photograph, one of his war photos. It would bring him a lot of money, but Fisher stares at it, finally seeing it for what it is, horror, captured just for money and the enjoyment of the sick. He feels something for the first time in years: shame. He thinks, too, of the horrors he experienced as a hostage, and how it weighs on what was left of his soul, a soul he sold to Hawkens with a flourish of a pen on a contract. Purged at last of denial, Fisher tearfully asks his family, friends, and therapists for help, which is all they’ve been waiting for. He even removes his shirt, baring the scars he has been hiding beneath his clothing, another secret shame. He’s done pretending. He still has to win back Bluebell. He realizes, her scars have been visible, while his have been a secret. He doubts she ever thought to be ashamed of scars someone else caused. Smart horse. Fisher improves apace. He makes amends with his father, and then begins to notice that other people have problems, too. By the end of treatment, he has decided to make big changes in his life. He will make a clean living, be a real photojournalist again, and he will expose Hawkens. In the final scene, Fisher gently takes Bluebell by her lead, and the two of them, at peace, walk into the dawn.