Flushed

Twins Billy Joe Akers and Bobby Joe Akers are middle-aged football coaches at Palmetto Community College, home of the Palmetto Bugs, the team with the worst collegiate record in Florida state history.

For years, the Akers have clung to their jobs by the thinnest of threads. But no more. Much to the delight of the brothers' sworn enemy, Dean Jackson Jerry Dingleberry, the Southern United Conference charter states that if a team fails to participate in a Bowl game after fifteen years, the team in question loses its sanction to play.

Unless they find a way for the Bugs to compete in a Bowl game, Billy Joe and his brother are history. But with most of the team on the disabled-list, and the Bugs ten players short of the number required to play, their prospects for success are zero.

This leads to a hostile draft for the remaining players they need from members of the Palmetto Community College marching band...a motley group of misfits led by Thaddeus Myer Overstreet, a tuba-playing giant whose band uniform jacket is a 56-Short, and who prefers throwing pigskins while they can still squeal.

From their disastrous season opener to the games which follow, the Palmetto Bugs suffer one humiliating defeat after another.

Which is when the Akers brothers hatch a plan to get Roger Ben Coffee, proud owner of Parade Urinal Inserts, to sponsor the Toilet Bowl, a game that will pit the Bugs against the Groundwater Moccasins, a team whose miserable record is a single percentage point better than the Bugs'.

So, will their scheme work? Billy Joe and Bobby Joe are counting on it. Otherwise, their careers really are in the toilet. And flushed.