Honey Mustard by Michael Kospiah | Script Revolution

Honey Mustard

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7pp

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A waitress snaps after not being tipped and torments a rude customer.

This Script Has Been Reviewed By Shootin' The Shorts

Honey Mustard – The Perfect Horror Short for Our Times?
A waitress snaps after not being tipped and torments a rude customer.

Michael Kospiah’s short Honey Mustard opens with a moment everyone can relate to.  After receiving bad service at a restaurant, Frank stands up for himself and complains to a “smart-aleck” manager who obnoxiously chews gum the whole time.  

FRANK
It’s one of two things. Your waitress is either a
complete retard or she was trained by a complete retard.

Of course, Frank’s approach has much to be desired.  But, in principle, he’s not wrong.    

FRANK (CONT’D)
It says it comes with honey mustard, right? That’s what it says? I asked your idiot waitress for honey mustard five fucking times.

Frank isn’t likable, but he’s relatable.  

FRANK
Listen. I’ve had a very bad day.  All. I fucking wanted.
Was honey mustard with my God damn chicken fingers.

While Frank complains, his server Patricia is nowhere to be found.  Instead she’s on the phone in the bathroom, “mascara smeared from tears.” 

PATRICIA
I just wanna see my son.
(heartfelt)
I’m really, really trying. I’ve been working like crazy –

Patricia’s immediately likable, a true underdog, but she’s no saint.  She currently has no visitation rights to her son, because SHE’S behind on HER child support payments.  Also, by talking on the phone, she’s ignoring “her only table” and violating the diner’s no phones on the floor policy – something she’s been warned about before. 

And so the dance begins.  Throughout Honey Mustard, audience loyalty ping-pongs back and forth between Frank and Patricia.  When Frank doesn’t leave a tip -- pity for Patricia, hatred for Frank.  When Patricia pockets Frank’s ID with his home address -- fear of Patricia, concern for Frank. 

Frank and Patricia’s collision course climaxes at Frank’s cheap apartment later that night.  In bed, Frank watches the news.   

NEWS REPORTER
(from the TV)
…massacre at a local diner where five employees and
two customers were brutally gunned down.
One of the employees has been reported missing from the scene...

Then the doorbell rings. 

Michael Kospiah’s short Honey Mustard continuously defies expectation by constantly being two things at once.  It’s over-the-top but also restrained.  It’s kitschy but also deeply grounded in emotional reality.  At the end, your jaw will drop in shock, but the corners of your mouth will also turn up into a wicked smile. 

Review by B. S. Carter
Submitted: September 16, 2019
Last Updated: September 16, 2019
Times Downloaded: 31
Last Downloaded: April 2, 2020

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The Writer: Michael Kospiah

Hey, what's up? I'm an award-winning screenwriter based out of New York City who specializes in darker subject matter and themes. My first produced feature film, "The Suicide Theory" won the Audience Award at the 2014 Austin Film Festival as well as the Grand Jury Prize (Best Picture) at the Dances With Films Festival in Hollywood. After a brief theatrical release and a three-year run on Netflix, "The Suicide Theory" is now available to watch on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, Vudu, Youtube and DVD. It sits at 79% on Rotten Tomatoes. My second produced feature film, "Rage" , a crime-thriller, premieres in Melbourne, Australia March 2020 and will be making its rounds in the film festival... Go to bio

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