Mountain Matchmaker by Tom Stohlgren | Script Revolution

Mountain Matchmaker



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When an online matchmaking site looks like a scam, an urban lawyer in a pre-mid-life crisis must learn to camp with misfits and expose the truth, or live without laughter and love.

Having a "pre-mid-life crisis," African-American attorney, CHRIS ROSS (30s), quits his job to become an investigative reporter set on bringing down a new online matchmaking site linked to a mountain campground: Camp Patibility. We follow Chris, who has never camped, borrows an antique pup tent and takes up camping despite the prospects of bears, sleeping on dirt, and killer chipmunks.

The rugged, slacker director of the camp is LANCE BOONE (25), who is overly proud of his matchmaking business for rich people with huge tents and lonely hearts. He checks in each of his six guests, who have previously completed extensive online questionnaires and paid $600 to meet their "match." We learn that BRET O'BRIEN (35; tall Irishman) is surprisingly paired, by the computer, with an aging blonde bikini model and exhibitionist, SANDY MAHONEY (28). Sandy's best friend, LUPE MEDINA (28), a pretty, but introverted, third-grade teacher, is skeptical about being paired with ARTIE ROSENBLUM (32), a short, wimpy diamond dealer. Chris is shocked to be paired with DEBBIE CHONG (26), an Asian "Goth" beauty with short, black hair and many tattoos and piercings. The first night is disastrous, as the campers question the legitimacy of Lance's matchmaking operation. Everything unravels when Lance admits he created the camp to meet women. Furthermore, no one can leave the camp, because a windstorm has blown trees across the road. Then it rains, and Chris's old tent leaks like a cheap condom.

The second day is worse. Pizza and donut deliveries have ceased, and tensions rise. Chris's roommate/girlfriend, SHEILA (26) visits after a 40-mile ride on a dirt bike driven by her new bodybuilder boyfriend. She exposes Chris as an investigative reporter, and the campers shun him. He apologizes, and works to regain their trust with humor and resourcefulness. Lupe proves to be equally resourceful, and highly skeptical about computerized matchmaking.

Lance fakes being heroic, and starts the long hike for help. Meanwhile, Lance's sworn new love from last weekend, MARILYN (25, a huge-figured woman in a wedding dress) hikes in from the other direction with rescue pizzas. Lance returns un-heroically, admitting he hates camping worse than Chris. Lance blows a proposal opportunity with Marilyn, and admits failure, until he learns that Marilyn stills loves him, and she's extremely wealthy.

With all the chaos and discomfort of the two-night campout, other tiny, gnawing personal secrets are slowly revealed around the campfire: Lance's real name is Herman; Debbie is gay; Sandy is retiring from bikini modeling; Artie is stalking Sandy's smile; Lupe is a little lonely; and Bret is a cross-dresser. Around the last campfire, Sandy gravitates to Artie, Debbie warms to Bret, and Chris declares his love for Lupe. Camp Patibility is an awkward success.

Attached Talent: 

Arther O. Thomas, of Main Man Films, a producer and friend in Denver, CO has expressed an interest in helping on this film, and has leads on inexpensive locations and film crews in Colorado if interested. Email:

Submitted: February 9, 2020
Last Updated: February 9, 2020
Times Downloaded: 4
Last Downloaded: March 26, 2020

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Tom Stohlgren's picture

The Writer: Tom Stohlgren

By day, Tom Stohlgren is a Senior Research Scientist at the Natural Resource Ecology Laboratory, Colorado State University in Fort Collins, CO 80523, and Affiliate Faculty. He wears Hawaiian shirts every day to teach classes, advise graduate students, and conduct research part-time. He received a Ph.D. in Ecology from the University of California, Davis. Tom is recognized as one of the top ten most productive scientists in the world in the field of biological invasions. He is invited around the world to lecture. He has published over 200 scientific papers and a textbook on methods of assessing plant diversity. In his copious spare time, Dr. Stohlgren is a novelist, screenwriter, and... Go to bio
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