Spinsters by Cannon Rosenau | Script Revolution




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The two spinsters in question are about as similar as Satan and Santa Claus. Pilot: Tess's hopeless college crush moves back to town, only to be whisked away and tainted by Marta.

What it is:

Spinsters is a half-hour situation comedy about two single women on the upper half of their 30's and the married friends that surround them.

The two spinsters in question are about as similar as Satan and Santa Claus. Tess can't get a date (let alone a husband) no thanks to her insane neighbor and friend (frenemy), Marta. It's a love-hate relationship. Marta loves to steal all the men's attention and Tess hates it.

Fans of How I Met Your Mother, The Odd Couple and New Girl will tune in to Spinsters. If they don't – I'll send Marta over to steal their husband.

It's a show about friendship, family and getting older.

Major Characters:

Tess Paine: (35) Our Bridget Jones-esque main character. She doesn't dress up or do her hair much, but looks pretty damn good when (and if) she does. She's a nurse at a general practitioner's office and usually wearing scrubs and fugly clogs. She's a cat lover, but hates the stigma of the crazy cat lady just because she's single and has a few cats. She's reminiscent of all the moms and wives that are her age. If it weren't for the scrubs, she'd be rockin' the mom-jeans just because it's so comfortable to hike your jeans up to your neck (even if she doesn't have the C-section scars to hold in).

Marta Beverly: (37) She's the other spinster and Tess's neighbor. She's a PR executive and always looks stunning in her pencil skirts and heels. She's a dog person, probably because dogs are loyal no matter how awful you are. She's single and loving it. Men fall for her left and right. She makes Tess's love life very difficult. Way deep down, Marta has a vulnerable side. Way deep down.

Sylvie Paine: (36) Tess's sister-in-law – married to Tess's older brother, Gordon. They have three kids. She's an elementary school teacher with crayon shaped earrings and all. She portrays a realistic version of married with kids: down to earth, house gets messy, recitals get missed, but family is everything to her.

Gordon Paine: (39) Tess's older brother. He's an accountant and a lot like Tess in that he dresses sloppy, loves food (more than sex) and came from the same strange parents. They're good friends, although his brotherly instincts kick in when and if Tess brings him a date or if he just feels like picking on his kid sister.

Russ Higinbotham: (40) He's cute in an average sense of the word. Tess's co-worker who works in the pathology lab at the office. Tess and him are great friends, but haven't ever hung out outside of work. He's a divorced dad of two young girls so he hasn't acted on his painful crush on Tess.

Nate Alexander: (36) Tess had a crush on him in college. Since college, he traveled around the world for work, but a brutal international divorce landed him back in town (no children). He's ruggedly handsome with a debonair quality. The divorce messed him up which makes Tess less nervous around him. Marta is all over him.

Donelle Landry: (35) She's very June Cleaver and Martha Stewart. She's the stay-at-home mom that makes it look easy. It's enough to make you sick, especially her creepy perfect kids, Donnie Jr. and Donette. She's super sweet so it's hard to hate her completely.

Marley Paine: (15) Sylvie and Gordon's oldest daughter. She really takes to Marta, much to the family's dismay. She's still young, there's hope for her.

Filmore Paine: (60s) Tess's dad. He thinks he's so hip because he runs a blog. But he says “hip” so clearly he isn't computer savvy.

Sally Paine: (60s) Tess's mom. Sweet and clueless as the day is long. She really means well.

Series summary:
35 year old Tess has everything a woman her age is supposed to have: a nice apartment, practical car, a job she loves and even tow-point-five cats. All she needs is a husband and she'll be that lucrative statistical perfection everyone fusses so much about – especially her parents. Despite setting her up on the occasional blind date with dreadful men, Tess's parents assume she must be a lesbian (she'll take that over owning the cat-lady stigma of a single woman of a certain age).

Season 1 Summary:
Tess's college crush moves back to town after a nasty divorce. Once again, she's friend-zoned as he rebounds with none other than Marta. She confides her woes in Russ, thus creating the circle of friend-zoning. Her friends and family are no help with their married people advice either. Just as soon as she throws in the dating towel, Nate and Tess get together. Dating him is everything she dreamed it would be...except now instead of driving her crazy in a good way he just plain drives her nuts (even more than Marta does!). By the end of Season 1, Tess will find herself in a pickle. She can either stick it out or dump the man she worked so hard to land, be alone and face her parents pity-masked criticism. No matter her choice, Russ proves he'll be there for her in spite of knowing how it feels to be painfully friend-zoned.

Pilot Summary “Alone in the Zone”
Tess's hopeless college crush, friend Nate, moves back to town, only to be whisked away and tainted by Marta.

Episode 2 “Marta a la Carta”
Marta uses Tess to distract Nate instead of breaking up with him due to his fragile state so she can keep dating other less sad men.

Episode 3 “Bras and Privacy Laws”
When Tess accidentally reads Marta's medical file, she enlists Russ's help to get Marta to tell Nate what's in there.

Submitted: January 5, 2019
Last Updated: January 6, 2019
Times Downloaded: 3
Last Downloaded: June 10, 2019

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Cannon Rosenau's picture

The Writer: Cannon Rosenau

I am an American screenwriter and playwright. Writing makes the voices live on the paper, not in my head. I have 4 kids, 4 dogs and 1 (wonderful) husband here in North Idaho, USA. Go to bio

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