The Secret Agent's Secret by Steve Cleary | Script Revolution

The Secret Agent's Secret

Type:

Status:

Page Count: 
5pp

Genre:

Budget:

Age Rating:

Logline: 
A dashing secret agent lets his arch-nemesis and his hench-woman in on a little secret: he just can't score babes.
Synopsis/Details: 

Hmm, no it's not your nose...

This Script Has Been Reviewed By Shootin' The Shorts

Hard-Up Secret Agent
A dashing secret agent lets his arch-nemesis and his hench-woman in on a little secret:
he just can't score babes.

We all love James Bond. With his suave, sophisticated mannerisms and impeccable timing, he’s simply sexy - and it sells. But move over James, there’s a new super spy in town!  And this one comes with a hearty dose of realism…

Meet Agent Hawk: he received the best education, works for the government and – as Steve Cleary's Secret Agent opens - finds himself trapped in the lair of super villain Volkov. Sounds pretty familiar, doesn’t it?

For Volkov, all is going to plan. He’s about to take Hawk out by some convoluted means of torture. Though something isn’t sitting quite right. But with the assistance of evil hench-woman Natalia, Volkov vows to hammer such petty details out!

A machine with a spinning blade enters and inches toward the secret agent.

AGENT HAWK
Luxury cars?
I’m a government employee for God’s sake!
I drive a Hyundai.

VOLKOV
How unfortunate.
Well, at least you had the beautiful women.

AGENT HAWK
Pfft!
The last date I had was with the cashier at the Stop and Shop.
She wouldn’t even let me get to second base!

VOLKOV
What?
Surely you’ve had some measure of success
with the fairer sex, no?

AGENT HAWK
No. Not really.
Girls just aren’t into me, I guess.
I think it’s my nose.

VOLKOV
Your nose? Nah, your nose is fine.
Give yourself more credit!

AGENT HAWK
Bah.

Volkov looks off screen.

VOLKOV
Natalia, shut that off a moment and come out here.

The machine pauses and the powers down. His henchwoman, stunning NATALIA, enters. Hawk smiles goofily.

NATALIA
Yes boss, what is your bidding?

VOLKOV
Look at this man.
Do you see anything wrong with his nose?

Agent Hawk may be in the same profession as Mr. Bond, but he apparently lacks any of 007’s financial or relationship success. Together, the trio attempt to figure out the source of Hawk’s… dysfunction.  All the while machinery of destruction stares Hawk in the face.

Even if he can escape, is an unfulfilled, loveless life worth it anyway?

A great little comedy short, Hard Up Secret Agent boasts both an affordable budget and minimal page count… just enough to humorously turn James Bond on his well-coiffed head.  Just one location and small cast required.  It doesn’t take a super-spy to know that’s an (evil genius) scheme to get audiences laughing… even with the whole world at stake!

 

 

Review by Cam Gray
Submitted: November 24, 2016
Last Updated: October 20, 2019
Times Downloaded: 24
Last Downloaded: March 28, 2020

Want to read this script? You must join the revolution first. Don't worry, it's free, easy, everyone's welcome, and you can start reading right away.

This Script Is Loved By

Fairly Finfield's picture
KP Mackie's picture
Steve Cleary's picture

The Writer: Steve Cleary

Hi. I write screenplays for movies that I would pay good money to see in a theater -- "event movies", where friends gather to make a night of it, load up on popcorn and Milk Duds, and geek out on it over dinner and drinks afterward. Shorts and Sketches listed here as "Available for Free" are for non-exclusive use... and please notify me so I can see how it turned out :^} Check out my Instagram micro-series, ManHeat , where I deliver some of my favorite cliche lines and stock phrases from action movies and television. Contact me via e-mail >> Go to bio

More Scripts From Steve

Crystals and Rainbows to You
An aspiring spiritual guru struggles to make a case study of his unenlightened old college buddy in order to secure a speaking position at a new age expo.
Feature Comedy For sale 92pp
2 readers love this script
Yesterday's Cabbage
A pair of slacker junior executives struggle to save their cushy studio jobs by revamping unproduced scripts from Hollywood's Golden Age and submitting them under a pseudonym.
Feature Comedy For sale 96pp
1 reader loves this script
The Seaglass Accords
After a whimsical young city girl is relocated to her grandfather's isolated beachtown, she secretly helps him collect seaglass for an ambitious art project he hopes would win back the love of her long-estranged mother.
Feature Drama, Family For sale 102pp
1 reader loves this script
Lawn Boys
A down-and-out ad-man tries to save his buddy's failing landscaping business by marketing to lonely housewives, but must beat out a shifty artificial turf dealer who gives them stiff competition.
Feature Comedy For sale 96pp
1 reader loves this script
The Tasting Room
A hapless tasting room associate struggles to make heads or tails of an urbane couple's poetic, pretentious and scathing wine tasting notes.
Short Comedy Available for Free 6pp
7 readers love this script
No Trespassing
A fancy man in a tailored suit endures a night of terror when he pays an unwelcome visit to a wary homeowner.
Short Thriller Available for Free 3pp
6 readers love this script
The Trail
When a young man whose girlfriend has gone missing is led on a nature hike by his buddy to take his mind off things, a dark secret is revealed.
Short Thriller Available for Free 6pp
5 readers love this script
Devil's Gulch
When a wayward backpacking couple encounter a crafty old codger in the wilderness, they realize they might have been better off lost!
Short Comedy Available for Free 5pp
1 reader loves this script
Banh Mi?! Banh You!!
A blind lunch date with an insecure guy and a gal who skipped breakfast is a recipe for disaster!
Short Comedy Available for Free 3pp
1 reader loves this script
Deadlywinks
Kidnapped and held captive in a cheap motel, the North American Tiddlywinks Champion is forced to play a rematch -- to the death.
Short Comedy, Thriller Seeking finance 9pp
2 readers love this script
Hello, Euphoria
A depressed middle-aged man turns to high-intensity running as a means to end his misery by inducing a heart attack, but becomes obsessed with a beautiful young co-ed jogger he encounters on the path.
Short Thriller Seeking finance 17pp
What's the Big Idea?
A pair of slacker junior studio execs struggle to keep up with demand, and appearances, after finding an old box of unproduced screenplays and turning them in as their own.
Feature Comedy In development 1pp
3 readers love this script
sendnudes