Ash Hole | Script Revolution

Ash Hole

Ash Hole
A fitting celebration of one’s life.

I’m sure you’ve all been to a funeral and/or wake at some moment in your life. Usually, people say nice things about the deceased and exchange fond memories. BUT… what happens when there’s nothing nice to say about the deceased? What happens when mostly everyone at the wake despises them? Well, writer David Lambertson’s hilarious dark comedy “Ash Hole” gives us an idea.

We open at a wake being held at a restaurant where we see a large, printed photo of the deceased posted up on a tripod, Bobby Joe (42 at the time of his death). His younger brothers, Jimmy and Ray have the urn with Bobby Joe’s ashes in it. And it’s made very clear that neither brother was very fond of Bobby Joe.

RAY
Look, I know he was our brother.
But he was a total and absolute
dick to everyone. All his life.
(re: the urn)
And now we’re supposed to blow
two grand and three hours scattering
his ashes off some fucking boat?

JIMMY
Ray, spreading his ashes at sea was
his final wish. We have to…

RAY
We ought to just flush him.

Jimmy makes a good counterpoint: ashes are thick and it would clog the toilet. So, Ray decides to dump a little bit into the toilet at a time. After all, it all ends up at sea anyway, right?

Soon, Jimmy gets in on the action, flushing just a little bit of the ashes down the toilet.

JIMMY
This is for being in Vegas during
Mom’s funeral.
(drops ashes into the bowl)
FUCK YOU, BOBBY JOE!

Neither brother wants to make a three-hour trip to the ocean to dump the rest of the remains. So they come up with a proposition to the rest of the “mourners” still at the restaurant.

RAY
(to the mourners)
Okay, for a small offense, you
get to dump a…
(holds up a spoon)
Spoonful. A medium offense…
(holds up a glass)
A glassful. And a big offense…
(holds up a bowl)
A bowlful. Everyone get it?

And the fun doesn’t stop there: there’s even a twist to cap off an already laugh-out-loud romp. This comes highly recommended to any filmmakers looking for a hilarious, budget-friendly comedy to produce.

The Script

Ash Hole

A group of mourners take vengeance at the wake of a man they despise.

About The Reviewer

Michael J Kospiah's picture
Real name: 

I'm an award-winning screenwriter based out of New York City who specializes in darker subject matter and themes. My first produced feature film, "The Suicide Theory" won the Audience Award at the 2014 Austin Film Festival as well as the Grand Jury Prize (Best Picture) at the Dances With Films Festival in Hollywood. After a brief theatrical release and a three-year run on Netflix, "The Suicide Theory" is now available to watch on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, Vudu,...Read more

About The Writer

David Lambertson's picture
Real name: 

Hmmm - how does one craft a writing biography for one that has not spent a life writing? I'll give it a shot. I knew I wanted to be a writer when I was eighteen. I started writing when I was 56. In the years between I got married, had children, got divorced, got married again, had grandchildren and spent more than thirty years as a Government bureaucrat. Exciting - I know. There is good news and bad news in that. The bad news of course is that I spent my life working at a career other than...Read more