EXIT STRATEGY
First dates require courage, resourcefulness and originality -- and that's just to get out of the bathroom.

Mike Tyson once famously said: ‘Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the face’. In other words, despite our best hopes and intentions, we’re all at the mercy of our body’s ability to cope with pain. And if you find yourself suddenly thrust into the grips of severe discomfort, all measure of rhyme and reason is flushed down the toilet, so-to-speak.

Such is the hilarious predicament at the heart of ‘Exit Strategy’, written by Rick Hansberry.

Meet Chase and Vicki, a pair of good-looking twenty-somethings on a first date at a restaurant. And from all appearances, it’d appear the evening has gone better than either of them expected.

(VICKI) touches (CHASE’S) hand, smiles. 

VICKI
I’m so glad this worked out.
You’ve restored my faith in the ’fix up.’

Chase cups his hand over hers, glances at his watch.

CHASE
We better get going if we’re going to make the movie.

But if you’ve been around the block a few times, you know by now that life has a rather perverse way of snatching misery from the jaws of mirth.

Chase reaches for his wallet. His face contorts. He clutches his belly, winces again. He rises, rubs his stomach.

From that point onward, it’s all downhill for Chase. He rushes to the men’s room, only to find that the stall is closed, as a janitor is cleaning out what must be a rather nauseating mess.

Desperate, but stuck, Chase seeks an alternative. Knowing that if he doesn’t find refuge soon, the janitor won’t be the only one dealing with a nauseating mishap.

Chase paces, looks around, reacts to another stomach murmur.

A Woman exits the Ladies Room. Chase checks his watch, then -- Ducks into the Ladies Room.

Unsurprisingly, things just get worse from there, as Chase tries his best to be discreet, yet is unable to experience a modicum of sweet relief, as woman after woman enters the bathroom.

To make matters worse, Vicki is now left alone at a table, wondering what happened to her date. Just when she thought it was safe to swim in the dating waters again, along comes the poop shark. Alas, she’s oblivious to Chase’s surreptitious turn to the toilet, and therefore assumes the worse. Consequently, she dumps on Chase a scathing voicemail.

VICKI (into phone)
I spoke too soon on my restored faith.
In fact, you’ve validated it. You not only bail on the rest of the night,
you stick me with the bill. Pay backs can be a bitch. Hell hath no fury...   

Vicki slams her cell shut and pushes out the door.

Rick Hansberry’s uproarious screenplay is a scatological delight. In particular, Chase’s slapstick shenanigans are reminiscent of Mike Myers and Gene Wilder in the pomp. So, if you are a filmmaker with a penchant for comedy, and are looking for witty material to hone your skills, then this is just about the perfect match.