Serial Killer Killer
An actor, famous for portraying a serial killer in a successful franchise, is confronted by
an actual serial killer seeking retribution for the actor’s multiple transgressions.
In the last few years – some pundits claim – film has gotten too political. No, not just through a story’s stated and implied themes… but in the process of casting choices, themselves. What color and ethnicity will a character be? And if the role is written as a minority, is the actor who embodies them a member of that distinct group? After all, black face has been (rightly) disreputable for decades. Why not the cultural appropriation of other groups, too?
That’s a question mega-star BRYCE HASKINS probably should have asked himself, before stepping into the role of the "Trident Serial Killer". But then – the only color Bryce really cares for is green. His inclusion in the “Fork You” franchise has made him a millionnaire.
A pretty insufferable one, too. Exhibit A: Bryce’s reaction when agent Jess calls him up to break bad news: a fellow actor they all know and don’t love has been found stone cold dead on the floor of his hunting lodge. But rather than cue the thespian tears, Bryce lays it to Jess on the line:
BRYCE
Well he wasn’t getting any younger--
JESS
Jesus!
BRYCE
What?
JESS
Just leave it! Everyone knows you two
weren’t fans of each other, but from
now on, all I want to hear is how
much you respected and admired Brad,
and what a loss to the world of--
BRYCE
Loss to the world? You can’t be--
JESS
Bryce! This comes from the studio.
Non-negotiable. Fuck up and they’ll
drop you like a shit-covered scorpion.
Jess’s description of Bryce’s personality isn’t WRONG. And minutes after she hangs up, Bryce discovers someone’s been listening in. Someone in his house. A mere few feet from Bryce’s desk.
THE KILLER (O.S.)
She sounds like a real bitch.
The Killer fills the doorway. Dressed in blood-spattered outdoor gear, and a BLACK STOCKING pulled down over his face.
Bryce reaches for his phone on the desk, but The Killer quickly crosses the space and SMASHES it.
Bryce retreats, keeping the desk between him and The Killer. He glances at the door: surely someone heard…
THE KILLER
Carlos can’t help you. No one can.
Collapsed like the pampered celebrity he truly is, Bryce asks the intruder if he wants money. Thanks to his Trident income, a few thousand’s an easy ask.
But instead, what this Killer wants is an APOLOGY. At a loss as to who these menace is, Bryce babbles – listing who he might have pissed off in the last few days.
A studio employee? Nope. This guy is clearly no gopher. Was it about what Bryce said in a recent podcast? Ooops… another wrong turn.
Turns out, Mr. Menace is just your “garden variety” serial killer, who’s cheesed that Bryce has been portrayed as one of “his kind”. In reality, that pampered pet couldn’t spill blood if he stubbed his own damned toe. Call the DEI police! Or at least the Beverly Hills cops. Please?
Bryce does his best to reason with the sociopath, but finds himself cornered by the killer’s oddly rational points.
THE KILLER
If the gays can make it a rule that only gays can play gays,
then it should apply to everyone.
Surprised, Bryce glances around the room, half expecting to see some hidden cameras.
BRYCE
Uh, okay, a few points. It’s more of
a guiding principle, than a rule.
And not all gays share in that
opinion. Also, as far as I know,
no gay person has ever murdered a
straight actor for taking a gay role.
THE KILLER
Maybe they should.
Followed by…
BRYCE
So you’re saying only doctors can
play doctors? Only teachers--
THE KILLER
You being a smart ass? No one’s born a doctor.
You gotta go to school. It ain’t, uh, inherent to a person.
BRYCE
And being a, a serial killer is?
THE KILLER
You ever killed anyone?
BRYCE
No.
THE KILLER
What about a dog? Or a cat? A bird?
BRYCE
No! ... Not intentionally.
“Intentionally”? Hmmmm. But the Killer drives home a lethal point: Bryce is a pussy. One unqualified to play the role. Missing the requisite chops to rack up a body count, will Bryce be able to fight his way out of this nightmare? Would screaming like a girl and running away even work?
Read Serial Killer Killer and find out. A fun limited location short with just two main roles, SKK is a darkly comedic gem. Cast THESE ROLES correctly, and you’ll slay audiences everywhere you go!
Known for her unique characters and plots, J.E. Clarke has optioned her feature length horror, "Containment" with Primestar Film Group (director Mike Elliott of Scorpion King 4 attached), her SF feature "Stream" with Purryburry Productions, John Noble of "Fringe" and "Lord of the Rings" attached. Her fantasy/SF "Evergreen" (cowritten for Adam Zeulhke of Zenoscope Productions), is currently in preproduction, along with Entanglement...Read more
Melbourne, Australia 1982. I submit my first "screenplay" (and I use the term very loosely) to the BBC. It was a hugely expensive Doctor Who saga. Needless to say, it wasn't picked up. You can read all about it here.
Now, I’ve been advised that the above is not the way to sell myself as serious writer. I’m not sure why. The fact that any screenwriters’ first screenplay doesn’t sell is...Read more