Shakespeare, Extra Cheese: Everything's Better With Pizza... Right? | Script Revolution

Shakespeare, Extra Cheese: Everything's Better With Pizza... Right?

Shakespeare, Extra Cheese
A young man’s life takes an unexpected turn after he encounters a naked woman performing Shakespeare.

The job of a pizza delivery driver is a pretty thankless task. They have to deal with the weather, tight deadlines, terrible pay, and then there’s the customers…

Young Bradley is one of these unfortunate drivers of our favourite fast food delight. On one initially mundane shift, he's confronted by a customer who doesn’t offer the normal abuse about timing, a bad tip, or simple rudeness. Instead, she gives him... nudity and the words of the Bard?!?

A moment later, the door opens and an attractive NAKED WOMAN (30) appears. But Bradley is busy pulling the pizza out of its insulated case and isn't looking at her as he speaks.

BRADLEY
How ya doin'? A large with pepperoni, onion and extra cheese.
That'll be nineteen eighty-sev...

Bradley looks up, pizza in hand. His jaw drops as he gets an eyeful.

NAKED WOMAN
(with real feeling)
Come, you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here.
And fill me from the crown to the toe top-full of direst cruelty!
Make thick my blood; Stop up the access and passage to remorse,
that no compunctious visitings of nature shake my fell purpose,
nor keep peace between the effect and it! Come to my woman's breasts,
and take my milk for gall, you murdering ministers,
wherever in your sightless substances you wait on nature's mischief!
Come, thick night, And pall thee in the dunnest smoke of hell,
that my keen knife see not the wound it makes, nor heaven peep
through the blanket of the dark, to cry 'Hold, hold!'

A beat. The naked woman drops character. She reaches out and grasps the pizza box.

NAKED WOMAN
Lady Macbeth from Act One, Scene Five of Macbeth by William Shakespeare.

Bradley, frozen, relinquishes the pizza box as the naked woman smiles, steps back and closes the door. Bradley blankly stares at the closed door, his hand that held the pizza still extended.

Confusion reigns as the poor young man is left there on the doorstep, pizza gone and no money exchanged.

He returns to his work where his boss is furious, and clears up any doubt as to what should happen next. Returning for the money, Bradley's once again foiled by nudity and Shakespeare. Curse that confounded and devious bard!

As the comedy and chaos continue, the script slowly starts to turn - teasing the reader towards an unexpected - and exceptionally funny - end.

Shakespeare, Extra Cheese, is a witty short that keeps the reader guessing. Who is this strange woman? Why is she naked? And what on earth shall become of poor Bradley? If you're a film maker that likes funnies wrapped in eternal prose, this is one surreal skit that pays off!

The Script

Shakespeare, Extra Cheese

A young man's life takes an unexpected turn after he encounters a naked woman performing Shakespeare.

About The Reviewer

Cam Gray's picture
Real name: 

Surreal comedies are my release, but everyone else seems to like my dramas so I've put them up here for the sensible readers...

Recently graduated from the London Film School and I'm now attempting to get some of these wonderful pieces of work out there into the real world. If you're keen on any of them, or actually have comments and thoughts (they're genuinely always welcome), let me know.

Current masterpieces include a drama that stars a peacock and a single mother,...Read more

About The Writer

Garry Messick's picture
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Garry Messick is a 2005 graduate of Palm Beach Film School. He has written and directed three short films: THE FLYER and GONE were selections of the Palm Beach International Film Festival in 2005 and 2006 respectively, and AN IMPERIAL MESSAGE was shown at the 2008 Action on Film Festival in Pasadena, Calif., where it earned an award nomination for Best New Director.

Garry’s feature-length script, A COLD RED KISS, topped the monthly best-rated screenplay list...Read more