Shootin' The Shorts | Page 9 | Script Revolution

Shootin' The Shorts

Shootin' The Shorts is run by J.E. Clarke a longtime prolific screenwriter who loves to give others a little boost in the marketplace by highlighting why she believes their short script may stand out. She brings with her a loyal band of readers who share the same compassionate attitude who have joined her cause as it's grown and grown to connect writers with filmmakers on a monthly basis. Now it finds a home here on Script Revolution.

This is all about highlighting what makes a script great by focusing on the positives. You'll find no negative criticism or lists of issues here. Submitting a short script for consideration couldn't be easier, simply scroll down to the bottom of your script edit page and tick the "Submit to Shootin' The Shorts" checkbox. Please note; it takes time to get through all submissions, everything is subjective, and we're by no means saying these are the best short scripts on Script Revolution, they are simply the ones that have found an admirer within this section - CJ

Damn Your Eyes - and Much, Much More....

Damn Your Eyes
A paranoid recluse fighting to expose mass government surveillance
finds a truth far more insidious than he ever dared believe.

Joseph Heller once famously wrote in ‘Catch-22’ : “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you”. Which in many ways is the central conceit of Steve Miles’ tense, psychological horror allegory “Damn Your Eyes”.

Meet Brookes. He spends his days cocooned in his home recording ‘truth-casts’ that make ‘Infowars’ and Alec Jones seem serene and sane by comparison.

BROOKES (V/O)
Closed circuit cameras, and surveillance drones
weren’t enough. No, they’re in our smart phones,
 our food? And get this, we invite them in!

In between broadcasting fear-infused invectives over the airwaves, Brookes spends much of his day spying on his neighbors and their seemingly innocent activities - be it washing a car, or weeding. He’s convinced that his neighbors have malevolent intentions. And he won’t stand for it.

Greenfingers turns, tosses a weed into a bucket. She glances (Brooks’) way, casual.

BROOKS
I’m onto you bitch. I know all your spook tricks.

In addition to his obsessive spying, Brooks seems to subsist on something called ‘Natraceuticals’ – a set of supplements peddled to paranoid survivalists such as Brooks. He believes this medication is keeping him protected from the nefarious chemicals the ‘powers-that-be’ are suffusing into our food and water.

Life is fear and fear is life for Brooks. There is suspicion around every corner. Distrust in everything he sees, hears and feels. In short… he’s easy to write off as a complete and utter mad man.

But, what if there’s some truth to his reviled rambling? And maybe they really are after him? Read the exceedingly clever and creepy Damn Your Eyes to discover the spine-chilling and grotesque fate that awaits a disturbed man who may very well manifest a grim destiny of his own making.

If you’re a filmmaker inspired by movies such as Rear Window and Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and directors like Hitchcock and Cronenberg, this is the ideal script for you. It thrills, chills and spills lot of eeriness from beginning to a great twist at the end. Your damn eyes won’t be disappointed.

 

The Script

Damn Your Eyes

A paranoid recluse fighting to expose mass government surveillance finds a truth far more insidious than he ever dared believe.

About The Reviewer

Jeremy Storey's picture
Real name: 

Jeremy Storey, originally hails from the United Kingdom, but now resides in Seattle, WA. He first discovered the joys of writing at school, penning short stories and collaborating on comic books with his friends. Coming from a writerly family, it was clearly in his DNA to tell stories. However,...Read more

About The Writer

Steve Miles's picture
Real name: 

Started writing scripts around five years ago after realising his social life was vastly overrated. Enjoys writing in a variety of genres but leans toward raw, grittier characters and the worlds they inhabit - from the deadly serious to the darkly comic. Drinks coffee, owns an unhealthy amount...Read more

An Angel Whispers - What Will You Hear?

AN ANGEL WHISPERS
"A cynical reporter investigates a small-town supernatural tale, that can only be believed to be seen."

Ben is a veteran journalist chasing a story in the heartlands of rural USA.  Folk in these parts like to talk of a miracle.  The kind that hard-nosed reporters like Ben prefer to avoid.  Yet as the investigation leads him from one witness to another it becomes clear that something out of the ordinary happened here.  

And while no-one can say for certain what they saw, all are adamant on one thing: that what they heard that night was to change their lives forever.

As Ben’s search leads him closer to the truth, he’s forced to accept this story isn’t over.  This is more than copy; this is a test of faith. And in order to come to terms with what happened here, Ben must confront the guilt of his own shattered past.  

Only then can he believe that a tragedy playing out half the world away has the power to bring about redemption.

Jeremy Storey’s An Angel Whispers is a low budget treat for a director looking to make their mark through a dialogue driven story with real heart and soul. Featuring a handful of key players and a solid mystery at its core, this is a beautifully realized short script with universal appeal and the ideal fare for short film festivals.  

The Script

An Angel Whispers

A cynical, downtrodden reporter investigates a small-town supernatural tale, that must be believed to be seen.

About The Reviewer

Steve Miles's picture
Real name: 

Started writing scripts around five years ago after realising his social life was vastly overrated. Enjoys writing in a variety of genres but leans toward raw, grittier characters and the worlds they inhabit - from the deadly serious to the darkly comic. Drinks coffee, owns an unhealthy amount...Read more

About The Writer

Jeremy Storey's picture
Real name: 

Jeremy Storey, originally hails from the United Kingdom, but now resides in Seattle, WA. He first discovered the joys of writing at school, penning short stories and collaborating on comic books with his friends. Coming from a writerly family, it was clearly in his DNA to tell stories. However,...Read more

The Putt Putt Preacher - Wanna Score a Hole in One?

THE PUTT PUTT PREACHER

For Father Mahoney, it’s not just a game…it’s an act of God. And, a religious calling has never been funnier.

You ever wonder what the heck goes through the mind of a man of the cloth as he strays from his calling to pursue an obsession? Is it arrogance that blinds him to the potential consequences of his actions? Or, does he truly believe to be commanded by a higher power?   For Father Mahoney, the protagonist of Jason K. Allen’s “The Putt Putt Preacher” it’s all of the above…and more. This priest takes hubris and an unshakeable belief in godly duty to absurd and hilarious extremes.

His obsession?   Putt putt. He plays it A LOT. And, when he’s not playing, he’s expounding on the merits of the game or the amazing putting skill he possesses. The Father believes not only that he has been called upon to play the game, but that he plays it better than anyone…even Tiger Woods.

Utilizing mockumentary, the script centers on an interview with Father Mahoney interspersed with expert opinions and live footage that comically contradict his claims. For, as often happens with public figures who digress, Father Mahoney is convinced that he is above the rules of the game. As Father Mahoney calmly explains, “I play by God’s rules. And, if God tells me I get a do-over, I get a do-over.”

You haven’t seen the likes of Father Mahoney since Almodovar’s convent turned drug den in Dark Habits, or Jack Black turned wrestling champion in Nacho Libre. Indeed, Putt Putt Preacher makes holier-than-thou hypocrisy side-splittingly and wholly entertaining.

The Script

The Putt Putt Preacher

The story of Father Ralph Mahony, a gentle man of the cloth when behind the church podium but a take-no-prisoners warrior on the putt putt course.

About The Reviewer

Julia Cottle's picture
Real name: 

Julia Cottle is a cultural anthropologist living in Chicago. She has worked for years as a university instructor and researcher for organizations committed to social justice. She always has loved to write, but only recently has discovered the joy of film and stage writing.Read more

About The Writer

Jason K. Allen's picture
Real name: 

Jason Allen is a writer and filmmaker from Nashville, TN. He is also a wilderness guide, nature photographer and award-winning journalist. His first produced screenplay was the 2009 feature comedy Lucky Fritz, starring Corey Feldman and Julia Dietze. Since then he's won Best Screenplay...Read more

Slice - Everybody Deserves Their Cut

SLICE
A grieving widow uses her love of baking to exact
retribution against the system she blames for her suffering.

Helplessly witnessing a loved one's slow demise to a preventable illness can create wounds that mangle our sense of right and wrong. In order to reach closure after tragedies like that happen: isn't revenge sometimes just and fair?

Steve Miles' Slice delves deep into that theme.

When the script opens, Hetty Swain's already learned a hard lesson:  "doing all the right things" doesn't always work.  Particularly when a couples' love is up against a health care system's inhuman bureaucracy, sometimes "more time, more money and more insurance" is nowhere near enough.  Though - once the inevitable happens, how far might a grieving widow go?

A former nurse, Hetty begins by taking a new job - determined to balance the books of life and death, right and wrong.

INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

Hetty scans the contract, pen poised to sign. She looks up.

HETTY
I like to bake.

INT. WESTLAKE COLLECTIONS - MAIN OFFICE - DAY

Hetty slips a Tupperware box from a cooler bag. Adam cranes over a divider in anticipation.

Hetty pops the lid, places a sponge cake on a plate beside the coffee machine. She draws a knife from a sheath, divides the cake with a smooth, practiced hand.

PATRICIA
(whispered)
What do we got this week?

ADAM
(whispered)
Looks like a lemon drizzle.

Hetty withdraws the cart from the room. Voices rise as the door closes behind her.

MORGAN
Crazy old broad, ain’t she got nothing better to do?

PATRICIA
You don’t want your slice?

MORGAN
That’s not what I said.

Through a glass panel in the door, Hetty watches them descend on the cake - not a flicker of emotion in those eyes.

But Hetty isn’t a "crazy old broad". She has her reasons. Not to mention better things to do - just as soon as her treats are devoured by those who determined her husband's fate... based not on compassion, but hard and cold accounting rules.  

If you’re looking for a topical revenge story where just desserts are served with a twist, Steve Mile’s “Slice” makes the cut - in many ways!

The Script

Slice

A grieving widow uses her love of baking to exact retribution against the system she blames for her suffering.

About The Reviewer

Linda Hullinger's picture
Real name: 

Linda Hullinger is an award-winning screenwriter and published author who has written thirteen short screenplays, three feature screenplays and two TV pilots. She’s had short stories, articles, and essays traditionally published in magazines such as Woman’s World, Over My Dead Body, Dogwood...Read more

About The Writer

Steve Miles's picture
Real name: 

Started writing scripts around five years ago after realising his social life was vastly overrated. Enjoys writing in a variety of genres but leans toward raw, grittier characters and the worlds they inhabit - from the deadly serious to the darkly comic. Drinks coffee, owns an unhealthy amount...Read more

Frequency: Things... Change

Frequency
Working alone in his mother's basement,
a young techie makes a scientific breakthrough which may cost him his life.

Meet young, unassuming Richard, and his brave, intrepid lab rat, George. Richard is working on a scientific experiment, that could literally change the world as we know it. All from the convenient confines of his ever-exacerbated mother’s basement.

FREQUENCY, written by John Hunter is a tasty nugget of sci-fi fun that takes a familiar trope – nerdy young adult living in their basement, while always the focus of their mother’s frustrated ire – and turns it on it’s head, in a most ingenious way. FREQUENCY asks the question… what if the nerdy young adult suffering from arrested development, really is changing the world from their mother’s basement? And all they want is time and patience to realize their dreams and make their mother proud:

RICHARD
George, I think I’ve finally got this figured out.
Different dimensions in time are separated like
stations on a radio. Just change the frequency 
and BLAM – a different reality. Won’t my mom be proud.

But before he can do that, he most overcome one of life’s biggest hurdles first… being on time for dinner:

RICHARD’S MOM (V.O)
Dinner’s ready.

Interrupted in the middle of a scientific breakthrough, RICHARD snaps.

RICHARD
Just give me a few more minutes…

RICHARD’S MOM (V.O)
Dinner is ready, and I mean NOW!

As with most tales that involve the space time continuum, there’s the omnipresent threat of causation. FREQUENCY delivers on this concern in a most unexpected and clever way, that will leave the audience for this film with eyes wide open and mouth agape.

Will Richard make the scientific breakthrough of the century? Will George go down as the most important lab rat in history? Will they survive his mother’s veggie meatloaf? All of these weighty questions are asked and answered in this little gem of screenplay – perfect for the first-time filmmaker looking to flex their creative muscle on a limited budget.

Don’t waste any more time. Tune into FREQUENCY – you won’t be disappointed.

About The Reviewer

Jeremy Storey's picture
Real name: 

Jeremy Storey, originally hails from the United Kingdom, but now resides in Seattle, WA. He first discovered the joys of writing at school, penning short stories and collaborating on comic books with his friends. Coming from a writerly family, it was clearly in his DNA to tell stories. However,...Read more

About The Writer

John Hunter's picture
Real name: 

A curious nature has led me down many paths: Former Peace Corps volunteer complete with whip worms and malaria, big ticket sales engineer, commercial graphic artist, packaging design consultant, recovering golfer and more recently, an award winning and produced scriptwriter.

As a writer,...Read more

Y2K - How Does the World End... For You?

Y2K
A man is convinced that the New Year will bring an end to life as we know it. 
And, he refuses to be disappointed.

There’s no denying that the dawn of the millennial brought with it a number of glitches.  There were academic calendars that added years of classes to the current semester, Medicare checks that weren’t paid on time, ATM cards that no longer worked, library systems that added decades of fines for overdue books and some people’s work calendars indicated that they were no longer employed as it was years past their retirement date.  Doomsday fanatics’ pride may have suffered, but humanity survived.

But, if things don’t go the way it’s expected on the Armageddon calendar, one can always take things into one’s own hands.  Like Bert.  Bert is the protagonist of Y2K.   He has a plan.  And, a backup plan. 

The plan looks pretty much like any ordinary survivalist’s plan.  Stock up on food.  Canned food.

INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY

Bert picks up a can of tuna, reads the label, places it in his shopping cart.
He swipes the rest of the tuna from the shelf with his arm into the cart.

Check.  Stock up on water. 

INT. STATION WAGON - DAY

The hatch opens, Bert stands outside, loads bags upon bags of groceries into the car.
Bert pushes the cart away, then reappears with a cart full of gallon jugs of water.

Check.  Buy lumber to board up the windows. 

INT. STATION WAGON - LATER

Bert opens the hatch, tosses lumber and 2x4s into the car.
He slams the hatch closed.

Check!

The woman in the basement? That’s his hostage.  A pretty woman whose face adorns a collection can in the neighborhood restaurant where Bert just ate breakfast. 

Bert feeds her.  And, then inspects his gun to makes sure that it is loaded. If nothing happens at midnight other than the Times Square New Year’s Ball landing at One Times Square, Bert is prepared.  

Audiences will love the pace of this script that shifts gracefully from the tempo of a day-in-a-life story to a surprise-of -your-life twist in the course of six pages.   Don’t wait until the expiration date of your canned goods to check out this apocalyptic tale!

The Script

Y2K

A survivalist must decide what to do when the world doesn't end.

About The Reviewer

Julia Cottle's picture
Real name: 

Julia Cottle is a cultural anthropologist living in Chicago. She has worked for years as a university instructor and researcher for organizations committed to social justice. She always has loved to write, but only recently has discovered the joy of film and stage writing.Read more

About The Writer

David Troop's picture
Real name: 

Dave Troop began writing as soon as he could hold a No. 2 pencil. In 2012, he discovered the beauty and the challenge of the five page screenplay while writing short scripts for MoviePoet.com and Simplyscripts. Dave continues to write and review short scripts for Script Revolution and Shootin'...Read more

Playoff Tickets - Some Things Aren't A Game....

Playoff Tickets
Two friends late for a playoff game hit a stray.
What happens next brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “Dog Day Afternoon”.

BFF Mike and Chris are lucky guys, so it seems. Today, they’ve hit the jackpot: playoff tickets to the Big Game. All they need do is hop in the car, and speed across town to waiting seats.

As Chris Hick’s Playoff Tickets opens, traffic’s already jumped in the way.  Despite being designated driver, Chris fidgets with his phone – intent on finding a faster route.

But cell phones and cars should never mix. The inevitable occurs: THUMP. And YELP.

A glance in the rear view mirror quickly identifies the source. Chris has run over a poor (and now quite dead) dog. Believe it or not, that’s where the fun begins.

Not due to the dog – of course - but the chaos that ensues.  What to do for the poor little fella? In a panic, Mike and Chris brainstorm. Dark humor quickly runs amok:

CHRIS
We could leave a note.

MIKE
Leave a note?

CHRIS
Yes.

Beat.

MIKE
Leave a note, on a dead dog in the middle of the street?

CHRIS
Do you have a better idea?

Several ideas fail to pass inspection, car or not. But inspiration finally hits:
Sling the dead dog into oncoming traffic, and blame its fate on someone else.

CHRIS
Okay, I'll pick it up and hide behind the bush here.
When the next car comes, I'll throw it in front of them as they drive by.
They'll think they hit it and will have to tell the owners.

MIKE
This is awful.

CHRIS
Please rise for our national anthem!

MIKE
Alright! Alright! Let's do this.

What happens next? Don’t ask.  Best to find that out for yourself: along with lots of taboo, funny stuff.
Make no mistake: dark humor inherently feeds off painful topics. But the best of such genres cut both ways. 

Playoff Ticket’s twisted tale forces readers (and audiences) to think on a moral level while simultaneously stifling a laugh. If something this horrible happened to you, what path would you take?

So crack open Playoff Tickets and Pandora’s Box. If you’re looking for a funny, thought provoking and budget friendly short – this could be your season pass to a home run!!

 

The Script

Playoff Tickets

Two friends late for a playoff game hit a dog on the way to the stadium.

About The Reviewer

Shawn Davis's picture
Real name: 

Shawn began writing in 2008 as a means to overcome a lifelong reading disorder. After several short scripts, he took on writing his first feature screenplay in 2009. Six years and several screenplays later, Shawn's highly acclaimed script Equal Retribution was reviewed and given...Read more

About The Writer

Chris Hicks's picture
Real name: 

The bio section. I never know if this should be treated like an origin story or something that could be converted into an obituary by changing the tense of the verbs. Perhaps a blend of the two is the best approach to take. I should include some details about myself. I’m Chris, aka the Chris in...Read more

22 Miles From Trenton - Farther Than One Might Think!

22 Miles to Trenton
Penny races to Grover’s Mill to save her sister from impending doom.

Where were you when Kennedy got shot?
Where were you on September 11th, 2001?
Where were you when the Berlin Wall came down?

If you were sentient enough at the time, you can answer these questions instantly.

But did you know that to many Americans, it once seemed like October 30th, 1938 would become an unforgettable date?

Take Penny Connors, for example: the 15-year-old comic book and sci-fi loving protagonist of 22 Miles from Trenton.

A small town New Jersey girl with an adventurous imagination, she’s nothing more than a weird loner according to Veronica, her older (and more socially “normal”) sister.

But there’s no time for these two siblings to trade insults; Veronica’s got a party in Grover’s Mill to attend!

Home alone in 1938, there’s nothing for Penny to do but listen to the radio. Yet – what she hears on the live news this fateful night wouldn’t sound out of place in one of her comic books.

A strange object’s fallen to Earth. Unknown entities are emerging from its shell. And the location of this alien phenomenon is…

PENNY
(to herself)
Grover’s Mill…

Terrified but determined, Penny grabs her bicycle and sets off on a rescue mission to save her sister, meeting fellow adventurers along the way.

While all of them are determined to discover the truth, the truth is also determined to hide itself from them; until they’re up against … possibly the most monumental event humanity has ever faced!

Will Penny rescue her sister? Will this experience bring the siblings closer together? Or will Penny and Veronica be torn apart…permanently? Or literally?

Partially based off true events, Trenton is a thrilling and well-paced script that offers outer space sized creativity to a director and their team in terms of shots and style.

Combine this with a simple and inspiring message, and you’ve got yourself a sure-fire winner. One that – like what happened at Grover’s Mill for reals – will truly stand the test of time!

 

The Script

22 Miles From Trenton

A young girl sets out to save her older sister from the threat of alien invasion in Grover's Mill, NJ.

About The Reviewer

Hamish Porter's picture
Real name: 

That guy who does a load of STS reviews and writes when he's not working or reading superfluous interesting articles. My filmmakers Rushmore is Nolan, Kubrick, Hitchcock, and Eastwood. Psychological thrillers, crime, and dramas are my thing, but I'm impartial to anything that's...Read more

About The Writer

Michael Field's picture
Real name: 

My Why

I grew up loving the cinema. I still do. That love spurned me towards storytelling. At first, I started out as an actor and soon realized, while I enjoy it, I prefer creating the story and not just being part of it and I've been telling stories for over 20 years....Read more

It's Ants All the Way Down.

If you once empathized with ANTZ, get ready to eat your socks.

Skin Deep
She puts on her best collagen pout, wiping steam off the mirror and admiring her appearance.

Enter Shay, whose vanity drives a vision of shallow perfection unmatched even by her basically-a-model boyfriend Travis. After he leaves for a business trip, Shay meets her match in an anthill precariously poised to disturb Yoga time.

Shay
(disgusted)
Oh my God...

With a long-developed fear of ants, I can safely say my dear reader, that I agree; it’s all down the anthill from here. An unfortunate call to Hugs Not Bugs pest control later, Shay is forced to take matters into her own hands. What follows is a ride through a Cronenberg-esque showdown. Woman vs. Nature and a whole load of pain concealer can’t quite fix.

One eye pops open, the paranoid iris darting towards the hill.

With killer imagery and scenes that absolutely shiver-your-timbers, Megan provides an excellent vision-scape to explore.

It looks around, its mandibles opening and closing.

Furthermore, filmmakers interested in utilizing CG should take note. A bit of ant-imation here and there and this story will absolutely pop on the big screen.

The floor is a writhing mass of ants.

Pair that with delicious irony, narcissism, and a study in extreme dermatology and you’ve got yourself a joy-ride of a short film.

Skin Deep explodes with grotesquerie and all your worst ant-based fears. Fans of horror should definitely give it a read. After a few sleepless nights and shivering nightmares, you’ll thank Megan… and your local pest control.

 

 

The Script

Skin Deep

A vain, superficial woman gets more than she bargained for when she destroys an ant hill in her backyard.

About The Reviewer

Matthew Portman's picture
Real name: 

Films:

  • FLIGHT - Written for a week-long student movie competition.

Accolades:

About The Writer

Meg Turner's picture
Real name: 

Meg is an experienced Vancouver-based screenwriter who has demonstrated their skills in screenwriting, short stories, storytelling, script analysis, and proofreading. They are a walking encyclopedia of film trivia and avid gamer who hopes their passions will meld into one cohesive writing career...Read more

Cold Smoke - Where There's Smoke....

COLD SMOKE
Powder skiing and the lure of cold smoke is an irresistible temptation. It pays to listen to the professionals.

How about something a little different for the new year?  

For most, the thought of breaking trail up a snowbound mountainside only to slide back down again is one seldom dwelled upon. 

But for a dedicated few, winter in the mountains is the sweet soul-food of life itself; and every storm pure mana from Ullr.

John Staats’ Cold Smoke embraces not only those few but does so with a virtual reality script.  It’s a little different to what some may be used to; yet the simple storyline and crisp writing leave no doubt as to the writer’s intent. 

We join a trio of ski patrollers on a dawn mission for fresh tracks.  Rookie patroller, Brownie, leads the way, breaking trail under the watchful gaze of veterans Squat and Buckster.  A breathless hike later and they’re staring into Hidden Canyon and two feet of pristine powder.

Brownie, with his youthful energy and cocksure approach, thinks he’s got it all figured out.  But the others are soon to warn him to the finer points of mountain safety.  Beneath the surface lurks a greater danger; one that no amount of experience or caution can ever fully predict.

Yet for Brownie, like countless others before him, the temptation proves too great.  With the call of cold smoke ringing in his soul   their words are quickly forgotten and Brownie soon discovers that one wrong turn can (literally) bring down a whole mountain of trouble.  Will Brownie live to see Taco Tuesday?  Or did the rookie just call last run?

Cold Smoke is a great short script for an experienced filmmaker looking to try their hand at a new technique, or even a public body looking for an entertaining and informative way to educate the next generation of skiers and snowboarders in backcountry travel.  Cold Smoke puts you right there on the mountain with fun characters and an insight that could make for an exciting and practical piece of film making.

The Script

Cold Smoke - VR

Powder skiing and the lure of cold smoke is an irresistible temptation. It pays to listen to the professionals.

About The Reviewer

Steve Miles's picture
Real name: 

Started writing scripts around five years ago after realising his social life was vastly overrated. Enjoys writing in a variety of genres but leans toward raw, grittier characters and the worlds they inhabit - from the deadly serious to the darkly comic. Drinks coffee, owns an unhealthy amount...Read more

About The Writer

John Staats's picture
Real name: 

I'm proud of the work posted here and the stories you're about to read. You have your choice of feature screenplays, numerous shorts (including a VR short) and some comic formats in case you're up for something a bit different. The links to my comics would make awesome storyboards if you want to...Read more

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