Hey gang,
Just for kicks I wrote a short, twisted Halloween story. I left it off at part two, which I reserved for our fellow writers here on the Revolution to complete. one scene at a time. It'll be interesting to see how it comes out. There are some adult themes. If you're sensitive to this, please ignore this post, or hang around anyway. I enjoy making people uncomfortable. lol
A D.C. HALLOWEEN
Ten year old Danny and his nine year old sister, Pamela, couldn’t disguise their anticipation as it neared the boiling point, no matter how hard they tried to behave like miniature adults. Tonight was to be the first Halloween that they would be allowed to mine the neighborhood of its confectionery loot without being followed around by their joyless parents, like the bunny at a Joe Biden Easter Egg hunt. They were dressed up as Raggedy Ann and Andy. To play a joke on their friends, they swapped roles. Danny dressed up as Ann, and Pamela dressed up as Andy. She had to tuck her shoulder-length dirty blond hair up under the curly red wig, but confusing their intellectually challenged peers was well worth the effort. They were quite convincing. Of course at their age there was no taping down or binding of secondary sex characteristics required.
The raggedy couple kept a vigil at the living room window, waiting for the street lights to come on, signaling the start of the best Halloween of their young lives. When they finally came on, the kids ran to the front door and opened it, waiting with decorated sacks in hand, for Dad to give the go signal. Mom and Dad stood behind them. Mom with her fingers jammed into her ears, and Dad pointing his starter pistol at the ceiling. Dad knew that the gun was loaded with blanks, but better safe than needing an expensive repair to the ceiling and roof. He pointed the gun behind him and pulled the trigger. The bang was insanely loud. The high pitch yelp from their now dead golden retriever… not so much. They all turned to look.
Dad said, “Goddammit! That’s the third time this week. I’m giving this thing back to Alec Baldwin!”
Danny, “You killed Frumpy!”
Dad, “He’s just playing dead, like we taught him”
Pamela, “But there’s blood coming out of his head.”
Dad, “GO!”
The two ran out the door and turned onto the street, not looking back. Mom yelled out to them, “Remember, don’t eat any candy until your dad and I go through it and pick out the good stuff, and stay away from the Biden house!”
Danny and Pamela went to work. They ran between houses, occasionally running into small groups of other kids. In one group Danny recognized one of the boys in his class, Mac. He was the most popular kid in the fifth grade because he was personal friends with Michael Jackson. “Lucky bastard”, Danny thought.
This was the perfect opportunity to test their disguises. Danny walked up to Mac and said, “Hey Mac, wanna hang out with us?”
Mac replied, “Only if you nix the skirt.”
Danny looked at him for a moment, and then barked out, “Fag!”
Mac looked confused.. Then said, “I knew it was you the whole time, Danny.”
“That’s okay then”. Danny said. “I think.”
An hour later the lone couple found themselves standing across the street from the Levine’s house. The Levine’s were new to the neighborhood, and the kids hadn’t met them yet. Mom and Dad had told them to stay away from strangers, but this was different, wasn’t it? Besides, from the look and sound of things, it appeared that the Levine’s were hosting a party. All the lights in the house were on, and they could hear Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley thumping the walls from within.
Pamela said, “I don’t think we should go there.”
Danny, “Why not? They usually have lots of candy at parties.”
Pamela, “It’s not that.”
Danny, “Then what is it?”
Pamela, “What if they’re Democrats?”
Danny, “So?”
Pamela, “They’ll take our candy, give half of it to the brown kids, and eat the rest themselves.”
Danny, “What if they’re Republicans?”
Pamela, “Penny candy. I guess either way we’re fucked,”
Danny, “I’m willing to take a chance. Let’s go.”
Danny started across the street. Pamela hesitated for a moment, and than ran to catch up. When they got to the porch, Danny reached out to ring the doorbell, and then jerked his hand away. Around the doorbell was a picture of a naked man bending over. The button for the doorbell was centered within the winking sphincter. It was smeared with a dark brown smudge.
Danny looked at his sister and said, “See? They’re Libertarians.”
Danny looked around on the ground. He found a small stick, picked it up, and rang the doorbell with it.
The door opened a moment later, and a funny fat man wearing makeup, a curly blond wig, and an admiral’s uniform appeared. In unison, the kids yelled, “Trick or treat!”
Mr. Levine, aka Rachel, smiled broadly. “Oh my! How cute, and look how much candy you’ve collected!”
Pamela, “Back off, Sally Struthers! This loot is mine!”
Danny, “I can’t wait to get home and empty my sack.”
Rachel, “I know the feeling.”
Rachel looked down and noticed that Danny was squirming. His free hand was gripping his crotch.
Rachel said with a smirk, “Looks like someone hasn’t had their bottom surgery yet. You need to use the bathroom?”
Danny, “Yes please.”
Rachel hiked her thumb over her shoulder, stepped back from the door, and said, “Down the hall. Second door to the right.”
Danny entered the house with Pamela following close behind, as Rachel closed the door. Rick Astley’s song ended and gave way to The Village People’s Macho Man. The kids recognized some of the attendees. There was Hunter Biden sitting on the couch, wearing a white hotel towel around his waist. He was snorting coke off Barack Obama’s ass. Barack was doing a line off some white dude’s ass. The white dude was performing a rusty trombone on Barack’s wife. Mrs. Obama and Melania Trump were standing over Donald Trump, urinating on him. The Donald was gripping Oprah Winfrey by the ankles and looking up her tent-sized skirt. Oprah was holding a leash that was attached to a leather choker strapped around a little black girl’s neck. Joe Biden wan kneeling on the floor, sniffing the little black girl’s hair. This was the second weirdest conga line the young siblings had ever seen.
Danny, “Is that Joe Biden?”
Rachel, “It sure is.”
Danny, “My dad says he’s a pedophile.”
Rachel, “Please don’t use that word. He’s a MAP.
Danny, “He gives directions?”
Rachel, “No silly. He’s a Minor Attracted Person.”
Danny, “Oh. I’m Mildly Attracted to Girls from Australia.
Rachael thought for a moment, and then said, “MAGA?”
Danny, “Damn right, Jabba the Hutt. Write that shit down.”
Danny turned and walked down the hall, disappearing into the bathroom. Joe looked up from his chocolate nose candy and noticed Pamela standing by the door. The Raggedy Andy costume wasn’t fooling him. He instantly recognized the bouquet of prepubescent femininity wafting off of her in his direction. Joe jumped to his feet and jogged up to her, hoping to impress her with his athletic prowess. One whiff of that pheromone cocktail would unscramble his dementia-riddled brain long enough to get him through tonight’s press conference rehearsal.
Joe, “Want some butterscotch candy?”
Pamela, ”Okay.”
Joe, “It’s in my front pocket. Go ahead. Reach in there and get you some.”
Pamela, “The only thing I’m gonna find in there is Ukrainian currency.”
Joe, “That’s not possible.”
Pamela, “Really?”
Joe, “I mean it. It ain’t no hyperbole.” Joe leaned down to get face to face with her and whispered in his creepy way, “I cut the pockets out.”
Danny reappeared from the bathroom. Joe looked at him with that famous, practiced, ‘I’m a great guy” smile that only a lifelong politician could conjure up.
Danny, “Lets get outa here. I feel like I’m on the set of Caligula.”
Rachel, “You can’t leave yet. I haven’t given you your treat.
She picked up a plastic pumpkin off a small table next to the front door and held it out to the kids. They peered into the pumpkin. It was half filled with razor blades.
Rachel, “I ran out of apples. The blades are the best part anyway. Just take one.”
The kids reached in and carefully picked out one blade each and dropped it into their sack. Rachel opened the door and let them out. The kids walked out to the sidewalk. They breathed in the sweet, cool Autumn air. The sickening smells of cheap cologne, sweat, and foreign currency becoming only a memory.
Pamela, “Where to now?”
Danny, “Let’s go to the school carnival. I heard Nancy Pelosi is running the cake walk this year.”
TO BE CONTINUED...