A Spy on Every Corner

A SPY ON EVERY CORNER, a PG-Rated globetrotting Comedy-Adventure spoofs the spy films and backstage musicals of WWII, with a kind of James Bond of the 1940s in the lead. Buddy Ignatz Nelson, the German-fluent but cocky young heir to an ice cream fortune, is an international cat burglar who works for Uncle Sam by stealing jewels from wealthy Hitler supporters in order to help weaken his donations from the private sector. After a six-month assignment in Buenos Aires, Buddy misses his girlfriend, Doris Garland, a nightclub singer back in Manhattan, and plans to propose to her and work for his dad as his ice cream factory. But Doris hasn’t forgiven him for leaving her without notice, and he must do some sweet-talking and impressive Rogers & Astaire-style footwork to win her back. Fate intercedes when the Japanese attack Pearl Harbor before Buddy can slip the ring on Doris’ finger, and Uncle Sam himself corners Buddy to shame him back into service, this time as a full-ledged secret agent which means Basic Training at “Fort Dix, Noo Joisey.” But jeepers, now the stakes have gotten higher! Buddy must kill or capture -- Baden-Baden, a mysterious Nazi superspy, who has begun to pollute the water supplies of several foreign cities with Ganschrittwasser (or Toxin-G for short), which causes uncontrollable goosestepping (shades of Monty Python!). This results in worldwide panic and confusion: Who’s a real Nazi and who isn’t? Buddy must also retrieve the antidote to Toxin-G, but this top-secret assignment means he must abandon poor Doris again – and hook up with his archrival for Doris’ affections, her boss and secret agent Errol Devlin, a poor man’s Errol Flynn Doris, in the meantime, enlists her services with Bob Hope and the USO, and the lovers’ paths cross in a crowded street festival in Havana and in solemn Eastminster Abbey, London. Cue the mistaken identities and cross purposes! Everywhere Buddy and Errol go, two competing yet bumbling FBI agents shadow them, thinking Buddy and Errol are who they are not. (The G-Men are fashioned after Warner Bros. stars of the ‘40s, Sydney Greenstreet and Peter Lorre!) Got Kleine Kugellagers? (Doesn’t everyone?) Besides being a Brown Belt in Karate, Buddy’s “high tech” weapon of choice throughout his adventures is a box of Kleine Kugellagers (small ball bearings). By letting them loose in a tight spot at a Hitler wingding at the Louvre, they knock every Kraut – including the Fuhrer himself – on their fat umlauts! And in the best tradition of farces, Errol, for one, turns out to be The Devil, a legendary British double agent with swashbuckling Flynnish skills that come in handy! With Baden-Baden one step ahead, and the FBI agents one step behind, the fun reaches outlandish proportions. When Buddy and Errol get word that Baden-Baden is about to pollute Istanbul’s water supply, they board the Orient Express (natch!), disguised as Irish priests, and follow two nefarious-looking Turks who are associated with Baden-Baden. The real Cary Grant steps in as Agent Archibald in a colorized scene from Hitchcock’s Suspicion that is integrated into the action in which Agent Achibald offers our heroes a valuable tip on the Turks onboard the train. However, when Buddy and Errol reach Istanbul and chase the bad guys (on camelback and in an ostrich cart!), Baden-Baden’s army of gun-toting goons fire on them, so they must retreat. So close yet so far. Enter Beautiful O'Shaughnessy! One of Errol’s exes now belly dances in her husband’s club, Dwayne’s Café Americain. Beautiful gives Errol some hot intel she overheard in the ladies’ loo for old time sake (“We’ll always have Sheboygan”) which takes him and Buddy… Back to Paris where Baden-Baden plans to blow up the Eiffel Tower on Hitler’s orders to destroy the city. But bad timing: Buddy and Doris have planned to meet on the Tower at high noon the Sunday after Liberation! In a wildly comic sword fight with Baden-Baden (a surprise reveal), Errol seems to have met his match – and so has Buddy and his Karate kicks and jabs. Yet, despite panicking, goosestepping tourists getting in the way, Buddy’s trusty Kleine Kugellagers save the day yet again, and he – with Doris’ help -- capture Baden-Baden along with the antidote to Toxin-G. For the big Hollywood ending, Buddy and Doris get married in Notre Dame Cathedral, and Errol too weds his Secret Love… with a joyful Quasimodo ringing the bells!