The Bold and the Boned

As a kid, I spent countless hours playing video games, and now that I’m in my thirties, nothing has really changed. When I was younger I didn’t really have friends. I changed schools in the second grade and I was the new kid, so I kind of had to deal with everything that comes with that. So video games and cartoons were my escape until I developed a sense of humor and learned I could make friends through stupid jokes. Now I’ve combined my love of video games, cartoons, stupid jokes and my traumatic pain of being a lonely friendless child into what I’m about to pitch to you. It all begins in Skeletown, a small desert village inhabited entirely by, you guessed it, skeletons. The town itself is surrounded completely by a mountain range and is built on a series of tunnels that connect the Four Kingdoms, the Outer, the Upper, the Under, and the Meh. (That last one kind of sucks) Each kingdom is unique its own way and the only way to travel from kingdom to kingdom is via airship or through the tunnels under Skeletown. Unfortunately, these tunnels are guarded by the town’s mightiest citizens, the Tunnel Patrol, who are basically just glorified border patrolman. The Tunnel Patrol’s sole purpose is to stop “Wanderers” from traveling through the tunnels. It’s pretty much the most coveted and violent job in Skeletown. The roller rink is also currently accepting applications. “Wanderer” is the moniker given to any non-skeleton traveler stupid enough to try and pass through the tunnels. The townspeople of Skeletown are convinced that Wanderers are strictly after their treasure and must be stopped at any cost. In reality, Wanderers are usually knights on a quest or those too poor to afford airship travel between the different kingdoms. Our hero is Boney, a twelve-year-old skelekid who’s never quite fit in. He’s smart, unassuming, and socially awkward. But the thing that sets him apart the most from everyone else in Skeletown is the fact that he was born with a heart, a rare condition and a fate worse than death in the skeleton community. (Skeletons are really huge jerks.) From a young age, Boney’s mother made him wear a T-shirt to hide his heart and shield him from the cruelty and judgment that comes from being different. She desperately just wanted him to fit in and follow the status quo. But being the only kid in town that wears T-shirts, also kind of made him an outsider, so nice try, mom! In the pilot, Boney and his class go on a field trip to the last place he wants to be, the tunnels. Even on the ride there we get the sense he doesn’t belong. His teacher, Mrs. Cadaver, scolds him for not paying attention, no one wants to sit with him on the bus so he has to sit in the seat with the hole in the floor, and he’s mocked by Jerko, the school bully. Jerko is literally big boned. He’s like a watered-down Eric Cartman. He’s loud, obnoxious, and knows how to work a crowd. Pretty much everything Boney isn’t, Jerko is, and he is relentless in his tormenting of our hero. Boney’s class arrives at the tunnel and while the other students are in awe of the mighty tunnel guards’ weapons and armor, Boney is distracted by a plaque on the wall. The plaque serves in memory of his father, Boney Sr., who was known as the “King of Tunnel Patrol”. Boney looks at it, solemnly. In fact, he can hear his father calling out to him, causing his little heart to begin beating faster. It turns out, it’s not Boney Sr. calling out to him, but Jerko playing a horrible prank. As he and the other students laugh at his misfortune, Boney’s heart begins to beat so heavily, it rips out of his shirt. Boney’s heart pounds so far in and out of his chest, it’s literally throwing his body around. He finally gets it under control, but his secret is out. Everyone else in the tunnel has stopped dead in their tracks. Mrs. Cadaver faints, babies cry, and a skeleton throws up bones. All eyes are on Boney, until… A bomb from a nearby tunnel is fired directly at a guard and he explodes. Emerging from the tunnel is a mighty Wanderer, decked out in full mechanical armor, and equipped with an arm cannon. The Wanderer blasts a few more guards, and then aims the cannon at the skelekids. At this moment, Boney’s heart begins to beat again, causing him to spring into action. He grabs an axe from a fallen guard, and just as a bomb has been fired, he uses it to knock it right back at the Wanderer. The Wanderer’s armor mechanically opens up and out stumbles a young girl, Harper, (we’ll learn more about her later), who draws a comically over-sized sword. Boney is smitten and as they continue to battle, Harper gets more and more impatient and honestly, a little skeeved. She calls him a weirdo, at which point Boney is filled with such rage he takes her to the ground in a matter of seconds. He stands over her, about to strike a final blow, the skeletons in the rest of the cave are cheering him on, and for the first time Boney is fitting in with the rest of the town. But then he looks down at Harper, fear in her eyes, his heart starts to beat, and he just can’t do it. He drops the axe and Harper escapes. Now before we finish the pilot, let me tell you a little bit more about the characters. Boney isn’t like the other boys at school who have dreams of being appointed to tunnel patrol. He’s content listening to music, daydreaming about the many lands outside skeletown, and performing sick skateboard tricks. Everyone in town is shocked at the difference between Boney and his father, Boney Sr., who was known as the “King of Tunnel Patrol”. Boney Sr. earned the title by defeating a record setting fourteen Wanderers in a single raid. Unfortunately, the fifteenth got the better of him and took his head as a trophy, leaving Boney fatherless. Well, not entirely fatherless. His dad’s body is still there walking around. But have you ever tried to have a catch with a headless body? I wouldn’t recommend it. We’ll also learn about Harper, a guarded-girl genius with no time for nonsense. Her father left her at “Miss Danielle’s Charm School for Fair Maidens” and never returned. Harper hated the school and her prissy classmates and the feeling was mutual. When she wasn’t stuck in the detention tower, she was probably doing something that would get her there. Convinced that something awful had happened to her father, Harper was determined to rescue him, knowing only that he had traveled to the Outer Kingdom. She spent her nights forging a mechanical suit of armor with so many gadgets and weapons, she lost count, and busted out of the school the first chance she got. Of course, she hasn’t told Boney any of this. She doesn’t even really want him around. She’s biased against skeletons in general. Everyone is. But feels she owes him some kind of debt for saving her life, so she lets him tag along. She puts on a brave face and hides behind sarcastic comments for a while, but eventually learns that Boney is someone she can trust and they truly become a team in their search for her father. As the episode continues, Boney stands in a courtroom. The judge proclaims that, according to Skeleton law, any individual willingly allowing a Wanderer to pass through the underground tunnels shall be banished to the Outer Kingdom for eternity. Boney’s mother won’t even look at him and his headless father crosses his arms in disgust. Then two patrolmen escort Boney out of the courthouse, past the roller rink, and through the tunnel. Boney looks back once more before he is pushed out into the vast and unfamiliar forest of the Outer Kingdom. A world he’s always dreamed of visiting, but not all alone. He pulls out his skateboard and tries to ride it through the tough terrain, but falls off and begins to cry. Harper, who is getting some water from a nearby stream, sees Boney, helpless and on his own, sighs, and approaches him. She rolls her eyes and reluctantly extends her hand to Boney, who takes it and they walk off into whatever adventure awaits. Boney and Harper’s relationship gets off to a rocky start. He’s annoying her, she won’t tell him her name, he has to pee, she just wants him to shut up, etc. This goes on for a while until the pair gets caught in a patch of suckgrass and are quickly sucked underground to an upside-down world known as the Under Kingdom. Conveniently, there’s a nearby tower that leads back to the Outer Kingdom. Inconveniently, the tower is guarded by a giant Lionsnake (which is exactly what it sounds like). Boney wants to devise a plan to defeat the Lionsnake, but Harper pays him no attention, and charges in guns-blazing. To both their surprise, the Lionsnake is “Super Chill” and tells them they are more than welcome to use the tower to return to the surface. Boney then makes the mistake of saying “Thank you, sir” which sends the creature into a rage, as all Lionsnakes are non-binary. With their backs against the wall, Harper agrees to work together with Boney and they end up defeating the Lionsnake, apologizing for the miscommunication, and continuing their journey. Each week, “The Bold and the Boned” will follow the adventures of Boney and Harper as the pair searches for Harper’s missing father through this strange and magical land packed with lore. During their journey, they’ll come face to face with diverse friends and foes that pack the Outer Kingdom such as Lionsnakes, Mentaurs, they’re like a centaur in reverse, Rain-Bros, who are basically the bro-y guys you meet at the gym but with rainbow powers, and Ninja-mimes, who are even more silenter and deadlier than regular ninjas because they’re also mimes. Boney and Harper will learn to embrace the differences of these different creatures and often have their pre-conceived notions about them thrown out the window. Each 11 or 22-minute episode can serve as a standalone, but will also follow the overarching story as Harper and Boney’s relationship grows and they pick up clues as to the whereabouts of Harper’s father. In the culmination of Season 1, Boney and Harper will find her father was captured by an unknown evil and has been trapped in a faraway castle. As a side note, and a possibly not-so-surprising twist, Harper’s father was the Wanderer who stole Boney’s father’s head. But then in an actual twist, it’s revealed that Harper’s Father and Boney’s father’s head (which is technically still alive) are now in a loving relationship, having been locked up together for the past few years. Future seasons include Boney and Harper teaming up with their dads to take down the unknown evil that captured them, Harper being forced to return to “Miss Danielle’s Charm School for Fair Maidens” with Boney in tow (dressed as a girl), and Boney slowly starting to turn into a human boy. Another avenue could be Boney and Harper open up a bed and breakfast in Vermont and deal with the trials and tribulations of running a business. Stylistically, the show will be similar to “Regular Show”, “Steven Universe”, “Gravity Falls” and “Adventure Time”. The humor will be family-friendly enough that parents and their children will be able to enjoy together, but also weird enough that dudes living in their Mom’s basement will also love it. Visually, it will adapt numerous video game tropes as well. For example, if Boney picks up an axe, a small “ATTACK +15” will fade in and out next to him like in a roleplaying game. If he does a trick on his skateboard, the name of the skateboard trick and points accumulated will appear on the screen à la “Tony Hawk Pro Skater”. And if a new creature shows up to fight Boney, we might see a freeze-framed screen of the silhouette of said creature with the words “A New Challenger Approaches” blasting on the screen. These kinds of things will add a little extra fun layer to the world and set it apart from a lot of cartoons on today. Above all else, this show will be funny and entertaining, but also have a message. In my country and the world in general, there is so much hate against people who are different than us for no reason, much like how skeletons hate the humans. And in the outer kingdom, both Boney and Harper will be coming face to face with creatures they’ve only heard about and may falsely stereotype. Without being too heavy handed, I think the “Bold and the Boned” has an opportunity to teach children and some adults, that we should embrace each other for our differences and understand that deep down we all have hearts, skeleton or not. While Harper’s story arc is focused on learning to trust others and her unrelenting search for her father, Boney’s journey is more about finding his place in the world. He’s spent so much of his short life as an outsider in his own community, but is now in a situation where he can just focus on finding a group of people that will accept him for who he is.