The Tour by David J. Keogh | Script Revolution

The Tour



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A British Indie Band go to America, are used as drug-mules, land in the wrong state, pursued by a gangster, the FBI and Hillbillies. Will they get to LA for the gig of a lifetime?

US references: Stag Do, American Pie 1&2, Trains Planes & Automobiles.
UK references: Spinal Tap, Inbetweeners, Destination Dewsbury, Borat.
Olly is the lead singer in a flailing indie band called ‘Ross Parade’. He’s tired of doing rubbish gigs in crap locations His drummer (a partially deaf lad name Cosmo and Bean, a none-too-clever bass player that has so little talent, it wouldn’t fit in a mosquito’s rucksack) agree.
But they are good friends and that’s a bonus as it keeps them going in the face of adversity and helps them carry on, even when their arch-rivals, ‘Bad Boyz’ constantly seem to get the upper hand on them.
Their lowest point comes when, at one of their lesser successful gigs (and that’s saying something) they are forced to watch as a kilted Scotsman shows them his backside in protest at their performance, before they even started playing. It’s the last straw. Time to get a new manager and time to move on. But their manager, Caesar, has other ideas.
Caesar is literally the worst band manager on Earth. Preoccupied with running his failing chicken shop, and managing a fling with his wife’s twin sister, he doesn’t have time to do things like book good gigs or pay the band what he owes them. But just when the boys tell him they want to move on, he surprises them with the announcement that they are headlining at the Greenfield Festival in Los Angeles. Could this be the last chance for Ross Parade to hit the big time?
But things don’t go smoothly, when Olly tells his father, Harry he is going to the states, Harry reacts badly. An argument ensues, and they part ways on a bad note. Harry is still getting over the death of his wife (Olly’s Mum) two years earlier – and he isn’t ready for Olly to move on either. Added to that, Olly, feeling down and wanting to focus on his career, breaks up with his supportive girlfriend, Kelly.
As if that isn’t bad enough, the night before they travel, Bean, the bass-player is badly injured with his Dad in a freak DIY wardrobe building accident, meaning a last minute replacement is needed. Caesar has the answer, in the shape of Semtex – otherwise known as Terry Neil Talbot (TNT – see what I did there?).
Despite being middle-aged, scruffy and a bit bad-tempered, this is Semtex’s dream. However, for Olly and Cosmo, it’s a nightmare. Forced to be in close proximation with him causes all kinds of stress and hilarity. They certainly don’t know that Caesar has asked Semtex to help the boys unwittingly smuggle $200,000 worth of MDMA into the USA. But hey, who cares about the detail anyway?
On the flight, they meet their arch rivals, Bad Boyz, and Semtex decided to pop laxatives in their beer for a bit of a laugh. They hand their beers to an unwitting passenger who drinks them down greedily and ends up emptying his colon all over the plane, causing it to be diverted from L.A. to Bradley, on the north east coast.
On the plane with them, is Agent Grissom. A very poor FBI agent who needs one big case to go right, or he’s destined to end up doing cavity searches on the Mexican border for the rest of his life. Acting on a tip-off that a boyband is smuggling pills into the states, he mistakenly thinks Bad Boys are to blame for the laxatives, so he arrests and questions the wrong boy band. Ross Parade get away with it. For now. But Grissom soon gets on their case.
They stop for a few drinks in a bar near Bradley airport. They land a last-minute gig, but the evening goes wrong when Semtex accidentally sleeps with the owners mad, ancient mother, in a hilarious case of mistaken identity.
The boys end up getting a coach to New York, where things go from bad to worse. Semtex eats some toxic chicken and their stuff is stolen, leaving them unable to fly to LA. Luckily, Caesar has a plan to help them. His constantly stoned nephew, Dante, meets them in the world’s worst tour bus.
For Olly it’s the last straw. He has an argument with Cosmo and discovers that Cosmo and his ex-girlfriend Kelly know each other better than he thought. Olly storms off, followed by Semtex and Cosmo and Dante head in the other direction.
Olly and Semtex have a heart to heart, then Semtex finally gets rumbled by the toxic chicken and throws up all over a poor Japanese tourist. Stopped by security guards, they blag their way off the boat and escape unpunished.
Meanwhile, Dante and Cosmo head to Slim Pickings nightclub where they are confronted by Grissom and manage to narrowly avoid Marco, the psychotic gangster who wants his pills, which the boys were supposed to deliver to LA. Oh yeah, Marco’s a dwarf and that really makes him angry.
The boys visit Dante’s aunt and uncle where Olly and Cosmo make up, and a potential evening in a nice warm bed is ruined when Semtex is caught masturbating whilst accidentally transmitting porn to the family via the Bluetooth speakers in the living room. They are kicked out and continue their journey to LA, pursued hotly by both Marco and Grissom.
A short stop at a baseball game (which results in Semtex’s backside being shown on the big screen), then their van breaks down, so the boys have to spend a night in a Hillbilly trailer park. They accidentally get involved in a family dispute, then unwittingly kidnap two of the girls.
Now, pursued by the FBI, a gangster and some angry Hillbillies, they make their way to the Greenfields festival in LA.
Will they get there in time and will they get a chance to play the biggest gigs of their lives? Or will their own incompetence, the Hillbillies, Agent Grissom or Marco, get to them first.
Either way, it’s going to be an adventure of a lifetime for the boys. And they might just learn something about themselves. Or get themselves killed. Or both.
A laugh out loud road trip, with hilarious, often crude and unfortunate events occurring, wherever the main go. It’s a comedy that will appeal to people of all generations.

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David J. Keogh's picture
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The Writer: David J. Keogh

I am a professional, award winning screenwriter. I love bringing characters to life and especially love writing real people in difficult situations where they have to fight against the odds. My first major screenplay, Cadeby, has been compared to Braveheart, whilst my second, Think Forward, has been compared to Harry Brown. My first feature film which I co-wrote and starred in, Destination Dewsbury, will be released in 2019. I am open to collaborative writing, working with producers and creatives and frankly, just love what I do.

A number of my screenplays are currently in development. Go to bio

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