Unreeznable Possee

Together with Aristotle, their gun-toting cokehead manager/father figure, and Dwayde, their long-suffering and ever-loyal technician (who considers them his best friends, despite them never remembering who he is), they are set to be huge. It’s December 31st, 1989, and tomorrow will see not only a new decade but the release of glam metal’s next big thing Unreeznable Possee’s hotly-anticipated debut. Everything is great in singer Roxxxiii’s world, except his fraught relationship with his ex, Candyce, over his doting-yet-grossly-irresponsible parenting style with his 7-year-old daughter, Angel. On the morning of January 1st, 1990, he and his bandmates (Emilio Von Mozart (guitar/musical genius), O’Neil Neil (drummer/has poor self-esteem), and Tommy Scroto (bass/has a scrotum the size of human head) wake up hungover only to find that glam metal has literally become the world’s least cool music overnight, having been sidelined by the Seattle band du jour, Noise Pantheon, led by the cynical and jaded Casper Colville. A laughing stock to everyone except Aristotle, their gun-toting cokehead manager/father figure, and Dwayde, their long-suffering and ever-loyal technician (who considers them his best friends, despite them never remembering who he is), the band find themselves unsigned, broke, and destitute. Blacklisted by the music industry, they decide to get new identities and stage a grunge comeback by faking their own deaths. Dwayde is not in on the cover-up: Aristotle considers him too honest to successfully participate, and the band just plain forget about him. They ‘explode’ onstage in a pyrotechnic stunt gone wrong. The band and Aristotle hit the road for Seattle. Dwayde is injured in the blast, and believes his negligence must have killed them. The band go grunge, call themselves Turdbreakfast, get signed instantly, and become grunge’s new buzz band. Meanwhile, Candyce is enraged when ‘dead’ Roxxxiii calls. Although his excuse is making money for Angel’s benefit, Candyce forbids him to re-enter Angel’s life after having already made her mourn her father’s death. The band’s personal lives unravel in proportion to their growing success and disinterest in their own music, but the humbling they experience at the hands of the zeitgeist also teaches them to control their egos. When they celebrate their number one album, the grunge scene turns its back on them for “selling out”, leaving them alone at the top. Dwayde, wheelchair-bound, having failed to find work elsewhere, broods in the dark watching his Camcorder footage of the ‘fatal’ explosion repeatedly, until he notices irregularities, which set him on the path to figuring out what really happened to the band. When he confronts a coke-addled Aristotle, Aristotle threatens to kill him if he speaks out. Realising there’s been a coverup, Dwayde is undeterred and vows to expose the truth. During Roxxxiii’s speech at an award show, Dwayde takes over the P.A. and shocks everyone with the unmasking. Aristotle starts firing his gun, and chaos ensues. The band are nevertheless contractually bound to perform at the show. Dwayde confronts them, and they apologise for their selfishness. They realise they were happier before, and reminisce on the early days, deciding that they should perform as Unreeznable Possee. They go onstage and horrify the masses with their deeply unpopular and cheesy music. Candyce, seeing Roxxxiii’s bravery in being himself, reunites Angel with Roxxxiii. The band finish the greatest performance of their lives. Nobody claps. Silence falls. But they are just happy to have played well and been themselves. Roxxxiii is reunited with Angel. Everyone is happy. The band continue to rock the small stages well into middle age.