Fried Eggheads
Forced into sharing a ride, a pair of eminent doctors find themselves
locked in a battle of wits as they seek to settle an age old debate.

Fate versus free will is a question for the ages.  But for doctors Zachariah Bohr and Henry Loude, it’s a question that transcends the philosophical to new heights of rhetorical rivalry.

We open on an empty stage, and an audience eagerly awaiting the showdown between these two titans of academia.  But when Dr. Loude’s car breaks down in nowheresville, it falls to a reluctant Dr. Bohr to rescue his stranded nemesis.  Soon enough, the cantankerous duo are bickering from the backseat while Max, their hapless young driver and father-to-be, races through the night in a bid to reach the auditorium on time.

Loude removes a bright, flowered tie from his briefcase. The tie is pre-knotted in a loop.

BOHR
You can’t be serious.

Loude puts the tie around his neck.

BOHR
Does your wife dress you?

LOUDE
You’re an infant.

BOHR
So the pharaoh of free will has predestined
the outcome of his necktie--

LOUDE
I’ve free-willed a double-Windsor knot.

Bohr lets out a tiny grunt.

LOUDE
You’re still mad about the journal article.

BOHR
You called me a Neanderthal.

LOUDE
There’s scant evidence you’ve evolved. 

BOHR
You might as well have worn a clip-on.

Bohr looks at his watch.

BOHR
Oh wait, it’s not 1961.

LOUDE
Don’t torture the audience with intelligent design stuff again.
Can we keep it about science?

BOHR
Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over that tie. 

LOUDE
Max, apparently our arrival is predestined
so no matter how fast or slow you drive --

BOHR
Simpleton.

LOUDE
I read your latest paper.
Bold, innovative and original...for 1980.

BOHR
Truth doesn’t change.

LOUDE
Then it will be up to me to keep
the audience awake.

BOHR
That’s the job of a circus clown.
Our job is to make them think.

Max looks at them in the mirror.

LOUDE
We need to set some debate ground rules.

Bohr looks over, rolls his eyes.

LOUDE
So don’t start with that war-is-inevitable crap.

BOHR
Ignore ten thousand years history.
Anything else?

LOUDE
You can’t teach an old imperialist dog
new tricks, I guess.

Bohr grabs the back of the front seat.

BOHR
Stop the car.

With poor Max’s calls for calm ignored, the sparring doctors decamp from the car to lock horns in the rain soaked streets.  However, events are about to usher in a new twist, one that will see these bitter rivals forced to reconsider their priorities.

Robert Deigh’s Fried Eggheads delivers a slick and smartly observed short packed with quickfire dialogue.  With its minimal cast and locations this is a script that would suit a budding filmmaker looking for a dialogue-driven comedy short to film on a budget.