The Blackwood Bloom
A struggling, cynical farmer discovers a monstrous creature on his dilapidated farm and,
seeing its unique 'processing' capabilities, turns his life around with increasingly gruesome and hilarious consequences.

Both good folks of “the earth”, Jed and Martha Blackwood don’t get many visitors. Their farm’s in the outskirts of nowhere (not even the middle of it – they’re that far!) A desolate land with cracked earth and wilted crops, it makes the DUST BOWL look robust. Nature’s bounty ain’t so good these days. S’cept for locusts, and rats. Those varmits consider what’s left a feast. 

But the Blackwoods have nowhere to go. And the bank’s getting pushy due to late payments. So the couple’s doing the best they can… Efforts which include ignoring Mrs. Higgins, a pissy, prissy neighbor who throws snide comments at Jed from her pickup truck, and whose main priority seems to be finding her missing garden gnome.

After one dusty and depressing round of chores, Jed moseys to a dilapidated shed that he abandoned ages ago. And hears NOISES emanating from it. Strange churning sounds, not quite natural. Can’t be Mrs. Haggin’s garden gnome, can it?  A curious Jed peeks inside.

...only to be floored by the “close” encounter which greets him back:

A faint GLOW pulsates from the back. Jed squints, his eyes adjusting.

He gasps.

Before him, in the center of the shed, is a colossal, amorphous BLOOMING MASS.

It's like an enormous, pulsating, fungal growth, but with grotesque, fleshy TUBES and VINES that writhe sluggishly. A central maw, rimmed with razor-sharp teeth that resemble broken glass, SLURPS and CHURNS.

Fishing a dead rat (obtained the day’s dismal clean-up), Jed tosses it at the ungodly thing. IT SUCKS THE RODENT DOWN.

Jed's eyes widen. Not in terror, but in a horrific revelation.

JED
Well, I'll be damned.

Will he? Well, apparently the farm won’t. Because in a few weeks, the Blackwoods spread seems… transformed. The soil seems richer. The crops healthier. Even the air’s cleaner.

And the pests… are notably decreasing. Probably because Jed’s been feeding them to the “thing.”  Folks, can you say the word “synergistic”?  We knew you could. 

The fungal creature’s growing… Jed’s even named it “Barnaby” after an old military bud. But he hasn’t told Martha yet. Marital vows aside, there’s probably a few things it’s best a wife not know.

Things are finally looking up for the Blackwoods. Now, if only Mrs. Higgins would drop the Karen act and play good neighbor for once. Though if not, there’s a newcomer to the neighborhood who might be pleased as punch to meet her face to face…

Written with the gentle, gristly humor of an Amazing Story or Creepshow yarn, the Backwood Bloom wouldn’t be too difficult to shoot. All you need is a farm, three (human) actors, a fake dead rat and a mess of fuzzy, greenish things that can be FX’ed sneakily to move and slurp. 

Do that, and your success may bloom as much as Jed’s farm. Audrey 2 – best you watch out!!