The Marriage Counselor
A married couple hire a hit man to give them an instant divorce.
Tales of the mafia and crime; every time a reader thinks they’re out, they pull us back in!
Not that Frank the hitman wants “out”. No sirree - Frank’s fully in business when Sean Ryan’s 4 page slice-of-criminal-life short begins.
Ever the professional, Frank’s interviewing his next client: Mrs. White. The classic film noir bombshell with platinum locks, looks and a cigarette to match, Mrs. White has -
You guessed it. Hired Frank to have her husband “whacked”.
FRANK
You sure you want to go through with this?
MRS. White slowly drags again from the cigarette, blowing smoke into the air.
MRS. WHITE
One hundred and fifty percent.
Our marriage was over the minute he
started porking my sister.
(drags on cigarette)
It’s all about revenge now.
Frank smiles and sits back in his chair.
FRANK
OK. I’ll be in touch with the when and the how.
Remember once the wheels are in motion, there’s no
putting your foot on the brake.
MRS. WHITE
No problem. The sooner the better.
I just want him whacked.
FRANK
(laughing)
You’ve been watching too much TV.
MRS. WHITE
Honey, in my bed it’s the only
chance of some action.
Clearly the White’s union isn’t the best relationship in town…
A conclusion which is double confirmed by Frank’s next client: MR. White.
Chomping nervously on his fingernails, Mr. White announces he’s willing to finance a killing, too.
Who? Well, as anyone familiar with bad breakups can surmise…
MR. WHITE
Either this or the bitch cleans me out.
Yeah I’m sure. Cheaper this way.
You can call that karma… or convenience. As Frank points out, the situation presents a bit of a dilemma for him:
FRANK
Well you see it’s what we in the
business call a booking issue.
Frank reveals Mrs. White’s put out a contract on Dear Hubby. Hypocritically, Mr. White explodes:
MR. WHITE
That fucking bitch. After all we’ve
been through she wants me dead.
Gosh, what should a principled hitman do when sticky conflicts like this arise? Go with firsties? Or maybe, “whoever bids best”? Or - who deserves to live less?
Read The Marriage Counselor and find out. This little crime script (and perhaps Frank) have a killer sense of humor… and would give the right director an easy, breezy, fun “shoot”!