What I Loved
First and foremost I want to commend the characterisation of the lead character, Trina, who really leapt off the page for me. There were so layers to her, from her sprightly, if not abrasive, charm contradicting her withering, aged body; to her maternal instincts not missing a beat despite being without practice for so many years. Her lifetime of seeking the truth, only to be faced with such a surreal opportunity to find it that contradicts every understanding she had of the world (and religious beliefs I perceive a woman of her age and background would have; although not explicit, I think it was implied within the script). Every time she moved and every word she spoke, I could visualise her so clearly.
This was only further helped by the relationship between her and Marcus, her son, which in itself was a complex, engaging dynamic. They simultaneously pick up where they left off as a matriarch and mama's boy, while the power shifts between them throughout, with the son the wiser, thoughtful voice of reason at times. All the while it felt natural, yet surreal due to the circumstances of their conversation. A few beautiful moments where he uses pearls of wisdom imparted on him by his Mother, against her, but with no real malicious intent.
The 'race against time' with each individual line really amplifies the tension of the script - and it comes across in a natural way that allows the reader to realise the impending significance of each line burning out at their own pace, rather than forcing the issue.
I really enjoyed (what I perceive to be) the moral of the story; that time waits for no man and it cannot be wasted looking for answers we might never receive. Again as an individual, this sort of message holds a lot of personal, emotional weight, and although a tragic end, I adore the risk taken in not having our protagonist achieve their goal.
What I'd Love To See
At times it felt as though there was too much naming/branding/specifying props that served little to no purpose to the plot. Being that this is set in the 1980's (in part), I understand where the desire to name such items has come from.
However (and I'm not sure if this is because I was born after the time in which the film is set) some of the references went over my head, and I became a little distracted in trying to figure out if I knew exactly what product it was you were describing. Once again, this is no issue at all and I think I'm nit-picking if I'm honest, but in trying to read this with a director or set-designer(/prop-gatherer) mindset, it brought too much focus into minor details, rather than allowing me the ability to imagine the scene for myself with blueprints from your script aiding me, rather than dictating to me. But I do think this is a personal preference rather than an issue with the script.
Something I would love more of is clarity in the final act in terms of why Marcus did what he did. As stated in the 'What I Loved' section, I really adore how Trina never got to know. But at the same time I think we as an audience could be given more clues, rather than left in complete ambiguity. I completely appreciate the fine line between giving the audience clues while keeping Trina more-or-less oblivious, especially considering she is our main protagonist, and our 'in'. But it is something I think could be just a little bit more touched upon, if only to drop a few subtle clues that give the reader some form of indication as to what the reason *could* be.
Along a similar strand, at the end of Line 5 Marcus pleads with his Mother not to return for Line 6. However, when Line 6 is in progress, we're already hours into the conversation. What I would love to see is Marcus' initial reaction to Trina ignoring his advice to miss the phone call, and her reasoning as to why she came again despite his protests. I just see this as a real emotional beat worth exploring, she's still not ready to say goodbye, although she has no choice as it's their final phone call. Is Marcus glad she disobeyed him? Relieved? How does the start of their final ever conversation begin?
Overall I thoroughly enjoyed this work. Everything mentioned in the 'What I Loved' section far outweighs the points in the 'What I'd Love To See' part of this feedback, I cannot stress enough what an intriguing, conflicted character you've created in Trina and such a wonderful, complex dynamic between Mother and Son that constantly shifts in power in a way that keeps the reader hooked. In fact, as I read over my feedback now I realise that the point in this section regarding the beginning of Trina and Marcus' final conversation only stems from the strongly built anticipation and tension of the race against time. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to read this.