Dr. Nein

Tone & Style: Outrageously funny period dramedy filled with battle of the sexes humor, swashbuckling action and female courage and bravado. And while the tone is sly and comedic, there are many tense moments of life-threatening danger, treason, treachery and deceit as three gutsy young women battle against a brilliant Bond villain and their jealous Musketeer rivals to defeat an unbeatable foe and save France from a fate that will change the course of Europe forever. The action-packed thrills of MISSION IMPOSSIBLE and classic JAMES BOND movies of the ‘60s, the bawdy period comedy of TOM JONES and THE GREAT and the rollicking on the road hijinks of ALMOST FAMOUS and SPINAL TAP combine in a rambunctious and highly cinematic romp filled with wondrous magic, terrifying weapons, Enlightenment science and good old fashioned guts and grit. Story Overview: 1643. King Louis XIII has died and France is ruled by Queen Regent Anne until 5 year-old Louis XIV comes of age. A few years earlier, Annie, Gabi and Max – three rough and tumble girls from the slums who defied the odds, became Lady Cavaliers, saved Louis from Cardinal Richelieu’s plot to seize control and were rewarded for their bravery by being named “My Fair Musketeers.” Now the darlings of France, the girls are on a national rock star tour and raking in the dough. And their archrivals Athos, Porthos and Aramis, the legendary but aging Three Musketeers, are furious about it. The girls have stolen their get rich schemes, eclipsed their fame and left them in the dust. They vow revenge, and when they catch up with those girls, there’s going to be hell to pay. But there’s bigger trouble on the horizon. Deep in the Black Forest of Germany, a brilliantly mad scientist is poised to conquer Europe. Nothing can stop his invincible armada of Thunderballs, and France is his first target. 1638. France is giddy with excitement and gaga over Annie, Gabi and Max, three rough and tumble girls who rose from the slums of Paris to become France’s first female Musketeers. Sexy, vivacious and France’s reigning rock stars, they’re having a blast headlining a bawdy My Fair Musketeers road show reprising their swashbuckling adventures with a top notch cast of actors, performers and musicians playing rockin’ baroque versions of Heart, Led Zeppelin and more and partying like it’s 1699. Every show’s a triumph and the girls are raking it in selling My Fair Musketeers merchandise (signature swords, plumed broad brimmed hats and a bold new fragrance for women of action called “Max”) as well as their racy biography penned by their agent Tomas Perrigord, who knows how to work the crowds into a frenzy of lust and anticipation before the girls take the stage and knock ‘em dead. And at night, the revelry continues in wayside taverns along the way as the girls and the cast try to drink each other under the table and feast like there’s no tomorrow. Then it’s back on the road to do it again. Lyon. Saint Etienne. Limoges. Poitiers. Tours. The shows never stop and the crowds can’t get enough. But not everyone loves the girls. Back in Paris, Athos, Porthos and Aramis – the legendary but aging Three Musketeers who helped the girls rise to glory – are furious. The girls have stolen their merchandising schemes, eclipsed their fame and left them in the dust without a centime to show for it. Once the reigning heroes of France – the men every man envied and every woman wanted to bed – they drink their anger and frustration away in the Blue Parrot tavern vowing to get even with the girls. But their focus on the girls changes quickly when D’Artagnan, the handsome young fourth Musketeer, tells them their old nemesis Cardinal Richelieu as mysteriously vanished. Knowing that Richelieu’s thirst for power remains unquenched, Athos senses there’s more to this than meets the eye. Meanwhile, trouble is brewing in the Black Forest of Germany, just across the border with France. Dr. Friedrich Nein, a vainglorious cross between Isaac Newton and the foppish Sir Percy Blakeney whose solid gold finger can control the forces of Nature, is intent on conquering Europe and decides to demonstrate his power. Without any warning, his terrifying armada of electrically charged golden Thunderballs sails across the sky and destroys the beautiful medieval city of Reims like the Martian Machines in “The War Of The Worlds,” engulfing the city in a towering inferno and killing thousands. News of the attack reaches Paris and the girls and the Musketeers are summoned. Gathered in the throne room with Lady Bellaton, Signor Rinaldi, Tomas Perrigord, D’Artagnan, the precocious Little Louis and tensions running high between the girls and the Musketeers, Queen Anne reads a letter from Dr. Nein demanding she abdicate the throne and leave France within three weeks or Paris will be next. And if she tries to send an army, it will be destroyed in seconds. No one’s ever heard of Dr. Nein, but what he did to Reims speaks volumes. And when the Musketeers urge caution, the girls call them cowards and offer go after Nein themselves. As tempers explode and swords are drawn, Anne orders them to stop their incessant squabbling of she’ll marry them to each other and banish them to Quebec – a double-edged fate far worse than death. Suddenly Tomas comes up with a clever plan: another traveling road show with everyone disguised as carnival performers that can get into Germany without raising alarm. Anne agrees and brings in her cousin Don Juan – a dashing Spaniard and “the best spy in Europe” – who briefs the team on the mysterious Dr. Nein’s background and agrees the road show will get them within striking distance. The girls are comically smitten by Don Juan’s good looks, but once again Athos is suspicious. Despite him being the Queen’s cousin, there’s something a little too glib about him. Another traveling show hits the road with the girls playing lusty wenches, the Musketeers reduced to playing clowns (to the girls’ wicked delight) and a wizened old magician named Merlin, who impressed Tomas with some stunning tricks and was invited aboard and might be more than he seems. As the colorful convoy, joined by the trusty D’Artagnan, heads towards Germany performing in towns along the way, Merlin turns rabbits into flying unicorns, the girls cavort and do raunchy scenes from Shakespeare and the Musketeers fail miserably as clowns – especially Porthos, constantly humiliated by smart-aleck kids that he breaks down in a puddle of comedic despair. Don Juan rides ahead and as the convoy enters Germany, Annie starts getting suspicious. They crossed the border without being checked. Surely Dr. Nein would have guards on alert, but there was no one. After performing one more show and settling in at a wayside inn, Don Juan rejoins them and says he’s found Dr. Nein’s castle – but they need to stay incognito. So the girls and the Musketeers huddle in the back of a covered wagon and as Don Juan drives them into the Black Forest, the girls and Musketeers bury the hatchet and get down to business. Led by Don Juan, they sneak into Castle Nein far too easily and when they find Dr. Nein in a museum-like room filled with magnificent scientific instruments and inventions, everything goes to hell. Nein greets them affably, says he knew they were coming and when the girls and the Musketeers draw their swords to kill him, Nein’s gold finger zaps them with a debilitating electrical charge that leaves them writhing on the floor in agony, then hits them with a gravity spell that turns their boots to lead, rendering them helpless. Suddenly Cardinal Richelieu, Captain Rochefort and Don Juan enter smirking with delight as the conspiracy is revealed. Richelieu will be given control of France, Rochefort will do his unfettered bidding and Don Juan will become governor of Andalusia. And when the girls and the Musketeers call them traitors, they’re met with howls of laughter and derision. And it gets worse. Weighed down by their gravity boots, they’re taken to a field where the Thunderballs are tethered and Nein demonstrates their savage power by creating a lightning storm that strikes the Thunderballs’ lightning rods and turns their snake-like hoses into white hot lasers that dangle like cocks inches above his captives, sizzling and snapping with ferocious voltage. Terrified and totally humiliated, the girls and the Musketeers are thrown into separate dungeons where they collapse in exhaustion, knowing they have no chance against Nein’s incredible powers. But all is not lost. Merlin magically appears in the dungeons, breaks the Musketeers’ gravity spell and tells them to say “the magic words” and the flying unicorns he created along the way will help them escape. But it’s not exactly clear what the magic words are. Then he whisks the girls off to an ancient realm called The Shadow World where they hook up with the lusty Knights of Camelot, get their sexy groove back and learn to ride dragons, the only things that can beat the Thunderballs. But things are never easy. When Nein learns the girls have escaped, he orders Rochefort, Richelieu and Don Juan and the guards to kill the Musketeers and sky-sails for Paris with his deadly armada. With seconds left to live, the hapless Musketeers shout every magic word they know – but nothing happens. Suddenly the trusty D’Artagnan appears swinging Excalibur like a Dark Age demon and in a frantic battle, the guards are killed and Richelieu, Rochefort and Don Juan are thrown from the ramparts to their death. D’Artagnan shouts the right magic words, the unicorns magically appear and rocket them off through the skies in a desperate race to catch the Thunderballs. Back at the wayside inn, Tomas, Lady Bellaton, Rinaldi and the troupe are worried about the girls and the Musketeers. Suddenly Nimue, the legendary Lady of the Lake, appears and says that Merlin has rescued their friends and while he has a plan to defeat Dr. Nein’s Thunderballs, they must hurry back to France for safety. Confused by the news but heeding her warning, the convoy hits the road and gallops for Paris. The fast-flying unicorns reunite the Musketeers with the convoy on the open road and Nimue assures everyone that the girls are with Merlin and coming to the rescue. As D’Artangan rockets ahead on his unicorn to fly Quuen Anne and Little Louis to safety, suddenly the Thunderballs appear overhead. Dr. Nein sees the convoy and the Musketeers below and furious that they’ve escaped the castle, orders an attack. But Nimue’s magic powers create a protective shield as as the Thunderballs blast the convoy and sail towards Paris, everyone is saved. Shaken but undaunted, the Musketeers take to the air on their unicorns, determined to stop the Thunderballs at all cost. Paris appears in the distance and Nein, tasting victory, waves his hand and a massive storm explodes. Lightning strikes the Thunderballs’ rods and the hoses lash out like lasers. Suddenly Merlin and the girls appear in the sky ahead, Merlin flying a unicorn and the girls flying dragons. As the Musketeers stare in shock, their unicorns veer off like fighter jets and join the formation. The brief détente between the girls and the Musketeers instantly vanishes in a barrage of insults and slurs and as Merlin shouts commands to the dragons and unicorns, a spectacular air battle erupts. As the dragons dive like bombers and the unicorns dart like hornets through the armada, the girls whoop with delight and Musketeers scream in terror and hang on for dear life. And while the Thunderballs might be invincible, they’re no match for the dragons’ molten fire and the unicorns’ deadly blasts. One by one the Thunderballs explode and plunge to the ground as the relentless attack continues. Dr. Nein is driven to ground in the last remaining Thunderball and as Merlin lands nearby, they face each other in a High Noon showdown. Nein defends his Enlightenment mastery of Nature, but Merlin says that Nuture belongs to all of us and it’s not his to control. And despite Dr. Nein’s superior intellect, he’s using his genius for conquest and personal glory instead of for the betterment of mankind. “Men like you will certainly exist in the centuries to come, but for now, you are too far ahead of your time, and therefore, you must be stopped.” Merlin’s magic neutralizes Nein’s gold finger and as a fitting punishment for what he did to the innocnt people of Reims, the dragons’ molten fire turns Dr. Nein to ash. France has been saved and the nation cheers – everyone except Queen Anne. Fed up with her Musketeers’ constant squabbling, she threatens to invoke a triple marriage to bring them all to heel. As the terrified girls and Musketeers grovel and beg for mercy swearing to change their ways, Anne grants them one last chance. But old habits die hard. As the girls and the Musketeers step out into the sunshine knowing they’ve just dodged a fate worse than death, they bid each other flamboyantly cutting adieus and go their separate ways, shamelessly plotting how to do each other in once and for all.