My Fair Musketeers

Tone & Style: Outrageously funny period dramedy filled with battle of the sexes humor, swashbuckling action and female coming-of-age triumph. And while the tone is sly and comedic, there are many tense moments of life-threatening danger, treason, treachery and deceit as three gutsy young women battle against impossible odds to improve their lives and achieve their dreams. The daredevil thrills of THE THREE MUSKETEERS, the rags-to-riches magic of MY FAIR LADY, the liberating spirit of THELMA & LOUISE, the down and dirty heroics of RENEGADE NELL and the bawdy period comedy of TOM JONES and THE GREAT combine in a rambunctious, inspiring and highly entertaining tale of female tenacity and empowerment set in the treacherous world of 17th Century France, where danger lurks around every corner and the blades are always sharp. Story Overview: The great powers of Europe are vying for dominance. King Louis XIII of France hasn’t produced an heir and has been diagnosed with incurable lung disease. And because he greatly prefers the company of men to his childless wife, Queen Anne, the chances of him producing an heir are all but zero, leaving France fatally vulnerable. Cardinal Richelieu, head of the Catholic Church, Chief Minister of State and the most powerful man in France, knows this and is quietly devising ways to get rid of Louis and seize the throne, installing himself as a strongman to keep France from the clutches of its enemies. The legendary Three Musketeers are already hard at work solving the Queen’s pregnancy problem and in a dingy tavern in the slums of Paris, three rough and tumble girls who want to be Musketeers are about to find themselves in the middle of a desperate power struggle that will test their mettle and demand all the guts and cleverness they can muster as they struggle to shed their old skin and emerge as beautiful lady cavaliers ready to take on the world. Imagine the fireworks if "My Fair Lady" climbed into bed with "The Three Musketeers." The slums of Paris, 1638. Annie, Gabi and Max are going nowhere fast. They drink their breakfast in the dingy Black Swan tavern looking like cutthroat Anne Bonnys, certain they could be Musketeers if given the chance. But becoming Musketeers is far above their station, and everyone knows that women aren’t allowed. They head out into the streets mad at the world when suddenly fate takes a turn. A carriage with two elegant ladies aboard – Lady Bellaton and Lady de Winter – enters the slums by mistake and is attacked by four vicious thugs. The girls hear the commotion and race to the rescue and in a brawling sword fight, beat off the attackers and save the ladies from harm. Lady Bellaton is so impressed by the girls’ bravery and spirit that she invites them to come to her home the next day and as the carriage heads off, Bella bets de Winter that she can turn these rough-hewn girls into sparkling ladies in time for the King's Masquerade Ball. Meanwhile Athos, Porthos and Aramis, the legendary Three Musketeers who are getting a bit long in the tooth at age 35, relax in the Blue Parrot tavern with Tomas Perrigord, their raffish agent who’s made a career exaggerating their exploits and embellishing their feats. As the four shameless cads discuss launching a stylish new line of Musketeer merchandise (signature swords, plumed broad brimmed hats and a bold new fragrance for men of action called “Aramis” that will make them all fabulously rich), Tomas says he heard that three swashbuckling girls saved two elegant ladies in the slums, and if he can find out who they are, he’ll make them France’s newest stars. The Musketeers scoff at the idea of female Musketeers and besides, they have bigger fish to fry. France is without an heir. King Louis prefers the company of men to Queen Anne and the throne is in peril. To remedy it, the handsome young D’Artagnan has been tapped to secretly shag the Queen every night until she’s either with child or his legendary cock falls off. As the King cavorts at his hunting lodge with three foppish courtiers, the ruthless Cardinal Richelieu and his sniveling henchman Captain Rochefort know that Louis is fatally ill and will never produce an heir. And rather than wait for him to die, Richelieu decides to accelerate his demise. A secret treaty with England, combined with Louis's untimely death, will soon put the crown in his treasonous hands. We move to Bella’s elegant townhouse where Annie, Gabi and Max are struggling to become ladies. After scrubbing them clean, cutting and styling their hair and dressing them in fashionable gowns, Bella mercilessly drills them in diction, posture, etiquette and manners, but it’s like trying to teach dogs to read Shakespeare and the mishaps are hilarious. The girls want to quit a hundred times but keep at it, desperate to succeed and leave the slums behind. And after many tortuous sessions, the girls finally break their bad habits and start to shine. Bella couldn’t be prouder. But she knows if the girls really want to compete in the world of the Musketeers, they’ll need to improve their swordsmanship because without that level of skill and technique, they’ll be like lambs to the slaughter. Under the tutelage of the suave Signor Rinaldi, Bella’s dear friend and lover, the girls soon learn the difference between brute force and the art of swordplay and before long they’re prancing and dancing like deadly ballerinas and flashing their blades like lightning. The wheels of treason start to turn. Richelieu signs a decree unilaterally disbanding the Musketeers and when Rochefort and a company of Cardinal’s Guards enter the Musketeers headquarters and try to enforce it, they’re humiliated by Athos, Porthos and Aramis. And while the encounter ends without bloodshed, the Musketeers sense trouble is on the horizon. Suspecting Richelieu is up to something, the Musketeers send D'Artagnan into the secret passageways of the Cardinal’s Palace to spy. And as he peers through a peephole, he sees Richelieu hand a letter tied with a black ribbon to Lady de Winter and hears the words “Buckingham” and “Calais” – words that send a chilling signal that a secret treaty with England is being proposed and a coup d’état is in the works. Pulling the wool over Bella’s eyes, de Winter hires the eager but unsuspecting girls as Lady Cavaliers to escort her to Calais and at a midnight rendezvous on the docks, the girls grow suspicious when she meets with English sailors. Suddenly Athos, Porthos and Aramis appear and in a ferocious sword fight, the girls join the Musketeers and fight like falcons, stunning everyone with their bravery and skill. De Winter escapes, but Richelieu’s treason has been exposed. As they head back to Paris and stop at a wayside inn, the Musketeers fully expect the girls to jump in bed with them. But the girls, now refined ladies and professional Cavaliers, laugh in their faces. “You’re way too old to satisfy us. And besides, you couldn’t get it up with a rope.” The Musketeers are furious at the rejection and as the girls revel in their rage, the battle of the sexes escalates into an all-out war. A furious de Winter tells Richelieu the Musketeers were waiting for her and foiled their plot. Enraged, Richelieu turns the tables on everyone and publicly accuses the Musketeers of plotting regicide – an obviously false claim. As scores of Cardinal’s guards scour Paris looking for Athos, Porthos and Aramis, the girls come to their rescue and hide them in their former home in the sewers, where the Musketeers’ humiliation reaches new comedic heights and the girls, to their endless delight, take control. The night of the Masquerade Ball arrives. And when D’Artagnan reports an attempt will be made on the King’s life, Bella and the girls devise an exquisite trap and convince Louis to play along. As hundreds of guests arrive in spectacular costumes with masks hiding their identities and as Cardinal’s Guards comb the crowd looking for Athos, Porthos and Aramis, nobody can tell who’s who. As the orchestra plays and dancers dance, a swirling ballet of moves and countermoves unfolds with costumed doppelgangers slipping in and out from behind mirrored panels and when it’s over, would-be assassin Lady de Winter is dead, the King is very much alive and Richelieu and Rochefort are done for. And when Annie, Gabi and Max step forward and reveal themselves, the shocked crowd explodes in cheers. The next day, the girls’ wildest dreams come true. Before a packed audience in the throne room, Louis proudly anoints them “My Fair Musketeers” and then delivers the biggest news of all. Queen Anne is with child! France will have an heir! As the girls bid Athos, Porthos and Aramis a saucy “au revoir, Old Farts!” and sashay off with the handsome D’Artagnan in their new Musketeer tunics, Tomas delivers the coup de grace: he’s now the girls’ agent and announces they’ll launch a stylish new line of My Fair Musketeers merchandise (signature swords, plumed broad brimmed hats and an alluring new fragrance for women of action called “Max”) and will embark on a lucrative, show-stopping national tour. It’s a crushing blow to their egos, but Athos, Porthos and Aramis are nothing if not resilient. As they head to the Blue Parrot to drown their sorrows and plot their revenge, they vow to get a ruthless new agent and hope D’Artagnan trips on his cock and kills himself.