Ghost People

We open with a poorly filmed intro to a self-produced ghost hunting show. Creepy clichés, royalty-free music and cheesy horror-movie sound effects assault the viewer. The editing is nauseating. The show, titled “Lance Hibbler’s Hardcore Haunts,” is unfathomably bad. Lance Hibbler is a salt-of-the-earth kind of guy. It's easy to picture him pounding Miller Lights ringside at a pro wrestling match. He leads a team meeting with his ghost hunting group, V.A.P.E. (the Valley Association of Paranormal Enthusiasts). We meet the six other members: Shy, scrawny and pale, Todd is a modern vampire. He can’t turn into a bat, but he does wear black and gets horny when he drinks blood. He’s also a gifted writer of steamy erotica novellas. Tammy and Chris are a couple stuck in 2002. Their lip rings and gauged ears transport us to an era when nu metal reigned supreme. They love Incubus and perpetually smell like cigarettes. Ashley has a Coachella-inspired boho style. She's the next generation of New Age practitioners and an incorrigible narcissist. She recites a lot of mantras and has a weakness for gurus. Alex is a chubby man with a fedora and know-it-all attitude. An insufferable nerd. He often finds himself begrudgingly paired up with Caleb, the youngest member of V.A.P.E. Caleb is a simple kid who lives with his parents, loves Pokemon and almost definitely eats his own boogers. The team is thrilled when Lance says an executive from a big TV network will attend their next investigation. Giddy, they test their new thermal imaging camera, detecting a less-than-paranormal fart cloud blasting out of Ashley’s butt. It’s medically alarming. The investigation is a fiasco. Tammy and Chris show in full Juggalo makeup after an ICP reunion show. Ashley is having a hard time manifesting abundance. And the TV exec is preoccupied with trying to figure out if his wife is cheating. In the end, they strike a deal: V.A.P.E. will land the gig if they use their ghost hunting surveillance van to monitor his wife’s activities. Alex gets shot with a crossbow, but the team ultimately fulfills their end of the bargain. The next investigation will be televised. Of course, there’s a catch. It will be a joint venture with Lance’s partner-turned-rival, Billy Muggins–a Bieber-esque fuckboy with a plus-sized ego. During the televised ghost hunt, V.A.P.E. catches Billy and his team fabricating evidence. The video–which features Billy in a bad wig and flowing gown–goes viral. It’s an affront to the field of paranormal research. Lance decides the high-flying Hollywood lifestyle isn’t worth compromising his morals. His loyalty is to his little group of beloved weirdos and the purity of their mission.