How To Snatch A Crown by Dan Hass | Script Revolution

How To Snatch A Crown

A mangy band of drag queens plot the ultimate revenge fantasy -- infiltrating the ball of the season to tear down the evil queen who stepped on their tucks on her way to the top.



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1981. A scrappy drag pageant. JACKIE BEAT faces off against her evil sister-mister, VICKY VILLANOVA. But when Vicky steals her routine, Jackie vows revenge -- crashing the coronation before Vicky’s crowned queen. Jackie, Vicky, and MISS MARY (the runner up) scrap for the crown when... CRASH!

PROTESTERS and POLICE raid the bar. The ball, in shambles. The CROWN, lost in the shuffle.


In 2020, Vicky’s suck-up assistant, CHESTER, hurries young DEBBIE into a bar. But Vicky’s crooked streak (and crooked teeth) have only gotten jankier with age, and Vicky cuts Debbie from the show.

At Beat Bar, JACKIE manages the bar’s problems like a MASTERMIND. Debbie meets HEIDI HEAUX, JUICY BERRY, and RORY. Beat Bar regulars.

Vicky arrives to boot Jackie off the reunion. Instead, she’s coronating *herself* with an expensive replica crown. Venting, the queens find that all their misfortunes can be traced to Vicky. Rory suggests robbing her blind. Jackie waves it off, but Rory is hooked.


Rory and Debbie recruit HEIDI -- at her day job as a kid’s birthday clown. APRIL SOURS, at her straight-laced office gig. The social starlet, GIA MANN, and the muscle, JUICY BERRY.

Rory surprises Jackie with the team. Unsure until now, Jackie reveals... the OG CROWN.


Arriving at the MCWEIR ESTATE, Juicy joins SECURITY. Jackie and Debbie convince MISS MARY (who runs the ball) to put Debbie in the pageant. Rory makes out with JJ MCWEIR, a flamboyant playboy. And Heidi steals Vicky’s ITINERARY.

Regrouping, they decide to break into Vicky’s room during tomorrow’s POOL PARTY.


Vicky lazes by the pool as Rory, Heidi, and Debbie bug her room: planting cameras, microphones... and literal bugs. They panic as Chester heads upstairs -- hiding on the ledge outside, in plain sight.

Juicy throws Heidi’s favorite MANNEQUIN out the window as a last ditch distraction! Guests SCREAM as it splashes in the pool. Gia stealthily returns the keycard.

Realizing they can’t crack her room safe, the girls trick Vicky into moving the crown to the low-security wine cellar with a FAKE HOTEL INFOMERCIAL. The crown secured, we roll into...

BINGO NIGHT. Rigging the game, Gia wins the FLIXHUB BOOTH Vicky wanted. While Rory wins prizes she *insists* be stored in the WINE VAULT.
Feeling unstoppable, the girls prepare to steal Vicky’s PHONE at tonight’s CIRCUIT PARTY.

But as Rory’s about to grab it, JJ McWeir gets grabby with Rory. Debbie makes the pull herself... but fumbles. JACKIE swoops in, grabs the phone, and slips it to Rory -- buying enough time for Manila to reprogram the phone -- before she’s CAUGHT.

The girls lick their wounds. Manila intercepts a TEXT. But no one cares. Hurt, Debbie follows the lead herself -- discovering Vicky has hired PROTESTERS to crash her own coronation.


Next morning, the girls sabotage a LUNCHEON -- breaking Vicky and Chester apart. While Heidi, disguised as Vicky, gives the protesters new instructions...

Later, Debbie, Gia, and Jackie infiltrate closing night. Rory and Heidi sneak into the WINE CELLAR... catching JJ MCWEIR with ANOTHER WOMAN. Rory takes him hostage.

Inside the vault, Heidi accidentally punctures a WINE BARREL. While Chester creeps into the cellar... catching the crown snatchers!

Resigned, they hand over the (fake) CROWN. Surprised when Chester LOCKS them inside. But Heidi realizes the vault will unseal if they trigger the cooling system...

Buying time, Debbie jumps into the CHARITY DRAG SHOW. SECURITY arrives at the vault, finding TWO QUEENS. Tied up. Screaming that CHESTER stole the crown!!

Juicy clears the vault, rolling out the WINE BARREL. And while Debbie performs -- using everything she’s learned from her friends -- Jackie swipes the crown from Chester.

Chester returns, empty-handed. Vicky fires him on the spot. Then gets a message to meet in the VIP BAR... where JACKIE BEAT waits, wearing her crown.

Jackie offers Vicky the crown... *if* she calls off the protesters. Vicky agrees, takes the crown, then tattles to security.

One by one, the girls are rounded up. And Miss Mary recognizes JJ, dragged up as RORY... Reveal Rory, exiting the WINE BARREL with the REAL CROWN.

At Vicky’s coronation, PROTESTERS swarm inside... 20 minutes early! A protestor WHACKS the crown off Vicky’s head. Behind them, Rory passes the real crown to DEBBIE.

Gia LIVE STREAMS Vicky, fighting a protester for the crown -- confessing. The crown SNAPS in half. Vicky realizes it’s a fake, but is cornered by a livid MISS MARY.

Back in NYC, the girls party it up at Beat Bar. Reveling in their new friendships -- and new riches.

All Accolades & Coverage: 

"Recommend" - WeScreenplay (92nd percentile)

Concept Teaser
Submitted: July 21, 2020
Last Updated: July 21, 2020

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The Writer: Dan Hass

Dan is a comedy writer from Chicago turned LA beach rat (with the tank top tan to prove it). During the day, he develops branded programming for Viacom Digital Studios. As a writer, he’s created shows, shorts, and pilots—on top of national ad campaigns for Kia Motors, Harley-Davidson, Jack in the Box, and Universal Studios. His original comedy musical, Musical Therapy, has played in Chicago, DC, and New York. And his short films, Magic H8 Ball and Bookstory, are currently screening at film festivals across the country. Go to bio