Robo-vac Christmas

Introverted nerd, Herbert, has not yet recovered from COVID isolation and has taken to conversing with his cat, Earhart, as if she were his roomy. Anyone would, at first, consider this somewhat unusual, but he does not fret about such details. He wants gratification and presents. And why not? It is Christmas time, and he wants to feel better. Herbert considers a range of items, such as a Maserati Levante Modena, a golf ball beer glass and a time-saving robotic vacuum cleaner. Practicalities, laziness and the state of his carpets tip the scales toward the latter. The courier delivers Robo-Vac just before Christmas Day. Earhart immediately shoots off to parts unknown in the apartment. At that moment, Herbert’s new and desirable neighbour walks past. Their eyes meet, and sparks fly. The moment overloads Herbert’s emotional capacity, so he misses the opportunity, receding to his lonely abyss, where he sets about assimilating Robo-Vac, the time-saving convenience, into his life. That’s the moment everything starts to go for a shit. Earhart is MIA for hours, which Herbert spends trying to get Robo-Vac, now named RV, to do what he is on this planet to do. RV seems complacent on his docking bay, although RV does make one brush-whirling foray down the hallway into the bathroom. Unfortunately, Herbert has to rescue RV from behind the toilet. Frustrated and disappointed with RV, Herbert retires for the night. However, RV is a nighthawk prone to launching himself into work mode at all hours, and both Herbert and Earhart endure a fitful night. Herbert rises in the morning, exhausted from peeling Earhart off his face several times because of RV’s penchant for the night shift. He enters the living room to witness the horror of RV’s carnage. He has disassembled the snake pit of wires, cables, hubs, speakers, and the VR setup and dragged half of it across the carpet. Worse, RV whirs pitifully behind the TV, amongst the AVR and speaker wires, entrapped by his well-meaning but sad attempt to solve Herbert’s cleaning dilemma. Hours later, RV is back at his docking bay, and Herbert has rebuilt his electronics. He heads out to replenish the fridge and liquor supply, meeting his neighbour in the hallway. He swallows his nerves and invites her for eggnog and a movie. Leta accepts. Before his date with Leta, Herbert considers enlisting RV to help clean the apartment but decides to vacuum himself, leaving RV smoldering in rejection and jealousy at his docking station. Leta arrives, the date ensues, and ambience is in the air. However, RV and Earhart play roles in catching Leta’s hair on fire before she and Herbert consummate their first kiss. Leta leaves in a disastrous state, with a wisp of a contrail following her down the hallway. Leta minimizes the long-term emotional trauma of their tragedy by calling Herbert later––from the safety of her apartment, suggesting another date. He accepts enthusiastically and expresses regrets over her hair. Herbert ends the tumultuous day with his apartment restored to equilibrium and his dating world exciting again until Earhart delivers her surprise.