Crabs! by D.C. Copeland | Script Revolution


Jerry has to rush back from Miami Beach with a load of Joe's fabled stone crabs before they go bad while George tries to figure out how to work his new smartphone.



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Based On: 
The hit TV series "Seinfeld."

Jerry is in Miami Beach doing standup when a Miami Tough Guy Cop heckles his show. Following his performance, Jerry calls George in NYC. George is at the diner with Elaine and Kramer. He has a new smartphone and is learning how to use it. His boss, George Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees, expects him to be on-call 24/7. Jerry tells the gang to be ready upon his return because he's bringing up a cooler of the legendary Joe's stone crabs-- and they're only good for 24-hours before they turn bad and kill you if you eat them. They can't wait to get at them. Before hanging up, Jerry demands they keep the feast secret from Newman. Following the phone call, Elaine and Kramer accidentally turn off George's smartphone.

An onscreen clock begins ticking down. As Jerry rushes through MIA to make his flight, a security guard stops him to check his cooler. The guard decides the crab claws could be used as weapons. When Jerry protests, he's arrested. His one phone call to George to tell everyone he's going to be late goes unanswered.Thankfully the Tough Cop at Jerry's show the night before recognizes him and lets him go-- for some stone crabs. Meanwhile, Mr. Peterman opines that he would never eat stone crabs because of the chance it might kill him because of botulism. Elaine is now turned off with the idea of eating the stuff. And George, to his great disappointment, gets a call on his new phone from Steinbrenner; he wants George to work late. No stone crabs for you!

As the clock continues to tick down, Jerry is caught in a NYC traffic jam. He jumps out of the cab and runs down the street with the cooler in his arms. When he gets to his apartment, Newman spots him and discovers the stone crabs. As Jerry wrestles the cooler from his hands it falls onto the apartment floor, scattering ice and stone crabs everywhere. As Newman tries to get into Jerry's good graces by helping Jerry clean up, Kramer suddenly throws the door open and-- unknown to Jerry and Newman-- slides across the wet floor and out the apartment window. In the end, a dejected Jerry shares his dining room table with Newman and watches him gobble down the salvaged stone crabs as the clock ticks down to zero.

Submitted: March 31, 2018
Last Updated: April 2, 2018

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D.C. Copeland's picture

The Writer: D.C. Copeland

Hello, thanks for taking a look at who I am. Hopefully you aren't here because you were “misdirected,” that you want to find out more about just who this D.C. Copeland is after reading one of my loglines. I'm an artist, a muralist, and a writer whose canvases and stories are for the most part writ large across time and space. While in college at the University of Miami , I co-founded Ecology Action of Florida . That sense of saving the environment can be found in many of my works. While creating works of art and fiction, I supported myself and my family as the Warner Bros Pictures Florida Field Rep for Publicity and Promotion for nearly 20-years. During that time I got to know many... Go to bio

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