Guns, Guts, & Gucci

“Guns, Guts, & Gucci” is a contemporary take on ageism "Twilight Zone" style with the help of cigarette smoking Rod Serling (who's dead and knows it) and a ringing doorbell opening and closing the show from a trendy craft beer bar. Steve, a “mature” man, opens the bar's front door setting off a jingling bell, and walks up to the full-bearded hipster bartender to apply for its posted job. Despite being a Master Bartender, he's ultimately turned down for the job because of his age. Steve exits the bar feeling worthless, with thoughts of committing suicide until a mysterious woman wearing a trenchcoat stops him. Her name is Marie and is about his age. She convinces him to live and to go back to the bar to get his pride back by getting that job. If he does, she promises he'll get a better job with her secret government agency, one that comes with benefits and a pension. When he returns a day later with her-- and a cocktail kit in a suitcase-- the bartender loses his patience and tries to throw them out. Unfortunately for him, he makes the mistake of putting his hand on Steve. That's all it takes for Marie to unleash her bad-ass martial arts skills which sends the bartender crashing to the floor with a simple wrist lock. She keeps him pinned there with a gun pointed at his head and a Gucci stiletto heel in his ear. This gives Steve a chance to show what he can do, making cocktails for a man and woman at the bar-- and Rod Serling. Rod suggests that the bartender might want to see Steve at work and Marie agrees, letting the younger man stand with his hands in the air. Turns out Steve is fast, friendly, and can run a bar with the best of them. Bartender sees the light and hires him on the spot and swears it has nothing to do with Marie holding a gun against his head. Steve is ecstatic about getting the job but Marie reminds him of the deal they made: that he's now working for her secret agency. She gives him her gun as a sign of its faith in him with instructions to come in to the office the next morning for a shoulder holster fitting. She exits leaving Steve alone to brandish the gun wildly around the bar causing patrons to duck and dodge-- including Serling. When Steve exits, the lawyer at the bar suggests everyone should abandon the place because “they know that we know” and may want to come back to silence them. Alone on stage, Serling, for the first time in his storied career, delivers his closing monologue in fear that Steve and Marie will return. The ringing front doorbell closes the play.