Guns, Guts, & Gucci by D.C. Copeland | Script Revolution

Guns, Guts, & Gucci

A top secret government agency assists a “mature” man in getting a job based on his merits despite his age. With commentary by Rod Serling.



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“Guns, Guts, & Gucci” is a contemporary take on ageism "Twilight Zone" style with the help of cigarette smoking Rod Serling (who's dead and knows it) and a ringing doorbell opening and closing the show from a trendy craft beer bar.

Steve, a “mature” man, opens the bar's front door setting off a jingling bell, and walks up to the full-bearded hipster bartender to apply for its posted job. Despite being a Master Bartender, he's ultimately turned down for the job because of his age.

Steve exits the bar feeling worthless, with thoughts of committing suicide until a mysterious woman wearing a trenchcoat stops him. Her name is Marie and is about his age. She convinces him to live and to go back to the bar to get his pride back by getting that job. If he does, she promises he'll get a better job with her secret government agency, one that comes with benefits and a pension.

When he returns a day later with her-- and a cocktail kit in a suitcase-- the bartender loses his patience and tries to throw them out. Unfortunately for him, he makes the mistake of putting his hand on Steve. That's all it takes for Marie to unleash her bad-ass martial arts skills which sends the bartender crashing to the floor with a simple wrist lock. She keeps him pinned there with a gun pointed at his head and a Gucci stiletto heel in his ear. This gives Steve a chance to show what he can do, making cocktails for a man and woman at the bar-- and Rod Serling. Rod suggests that the bartender might want to see Steve at work and Marie agrees, letting the younger man stand with his hands in the air.

Turns out Steve is fast, friendly, and can run a bar with the best of them. Bartender sees the light and hires him on the spot and swears it has nothing to do with Marie holding a gun against his head.

Steve is ecstatic about getting the job but Marie reminds him of the deal they made: that he's now working for her secret agency. She gives him her gun as a sign of its faith in him with instructions to come in to the office the next morning for a shoulder holster fitting. She exits leaving Steve alone to brandish the gun wildly around the bar causing patrons to duck and dodge-- including Serling.

When Steve exits, the lawyer at the bar suggests everyone should abandon the place because “they know that we know” and may want to come back to silence them.

Alone on stage, Serling, for the first time in his storied career, delivers his closing monologue in fear that Steve and Marie will return. The ringing front doorbell closes the play.

Submitted: November 6, 2019
Last Updated: November 30, 2021

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The Writer: D.C. Copeland

Hello, thanks for taking a look at who I am. Hopefully you aren't here because you were “misdirected,” that you want to find out more about just who this D.C. Copeland is after reading one of my loglines. I'm an artist, a muralist, and a writer whose canvases and stories are for the most part writ large across time and space. While in college at the University of Miami , I co-founded Ecology Action of Florida . That sense of saving the environment can be found in many of my works. While creating works of art and fiction, I supported myself and my family as the Warner Bros Pictures Florida Field Rep for Publicity and Promotion for nearly 20-years. During that time I got to know many... Go to bio

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