Tree! by D.C. Copeland | Script Revolution




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A man climbs a tree and refuses to come down. This simple act makes him rich and famous and brings peace to the world-- as long as he stays in the tree.

JOE CUMMINGS climbs a tree and won't come down until he sees a vision he had the night before: Miss December 1968 was in the top of the tree "in all her centerfold glory." His wife PAT knows this isn't good. The town has a law against sleeping in trees. She calls the cops. Morning finds the tree surrounded by a S.W.A.T team and local TV news crews. Rumor has it Joe is packing some heat. The town MAYOR, in the middle of a reelection run, senses free publicity and takes on the role of negotiator. They discover Joe's an ex-Marine and Miss December 1968, Cynthia Myers, helped him and thousands of other lonely guys get through the war. Seeing Joe's portly body flying from branch to branch with the greatest of ease brings back memories when the mayor was a boy and he unintentionally remarks on camera how he misses those halcyon days when he could climb a tree with his dad's Playboy and beat off to his heart's content without getting caught. When he realizes what he said, it's already too late.

Negotiations fall apart as the mayor scrambles to find an acceptable spin for his "revelation." Joe is allowed to remain in the tree so long as he doesn't sue the city if he falls and hurts himself.

By the fifth day, Joe has made the cover of TIME with a splashy headline that touts him as the "LAST REAL AMERICAN!" The sub-headline reads: "The heart-rending story of a man who had to climb a tree to find his freedom." By the seventh day, Joe's simple act has changed the world. Millions of men are climbing trees in search of "St. Cindy," the elusive "Patron Saint of Virile Young Men." For the first time in recorded history, the world is without war.

With the breadwinner up a tree, Pat discovers the corporate world is willing to pay her large sums of money to tap into Joe's celebrity status. She becomes his manager and, in time, is striking deals with the best of them.

After a few months in the tree, the pressure of sustaining world peace begins to take its toll. Despite an all-out effort, Cynthia Myers cannot be found. Joe wants to come down. Pat won't let him and threatens to kill him if he tries.

When CYNTHIA MYERS is found to be very much alive, the mayor kidnaps her and forces her in the middle of the night to climb to the top of the tree so he can kill them both.

Joe can't believe his eyes as she rises slowly above the branches, her arms held out to the sides like a supplicating angel. His vision is abruptly interrupted when the mayor appears below her with a gun. Joe jumps the mayor. A fight ensues among the boughs but Joe knows trees and overpowers the mayor. St. Cindy is saved.

In a White House Rose Garden ceremony, St. Cindy receives the Congressional Medal of Honor from a randy President who puts a liplock on her that can only be broken up with a well-swung purse from the First Lady. St. Cindy gets her own postage stamp depicting her famous centerfold. It sells out within hours and raises millions for St. Cindy's Charities.

Joe comes down from his tree, goes back to his family and his existential existence, and no one notices. The world goes back to war.

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Submitted: May 15, 2017
Last Updated: April 6, 2020

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D.C. Copeland's picture

The Writer: D.C. Copeland

Hello, thanks for taking a look at who I am. Hopefully you aren't here because you were “misdirected,” that you want to find out more about just who this D.C. Copeland is after reading one of my loglines. I'm an artist, a muralist, and a writer whose canvases and stories are for the most part writ large across time and space. While in college at the University of Miami , I co-founded Ecology Action of Florida . That sense of saving the environment can be found in many of my works. While creating works of art and fiction, I supported myself and my family as the Warner Bros Pictures Florida Field Rep for Publicity and Promotion for nearly 20-years. During that time I got to know many... Go to bio

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