Honey Mustard | Script Revolution

Honey Mustard

After being stiffed, an unhinged waitress, hell-bent on revenge, torments the customer who didn’t tip her and his surprisingly resourceful family.

One of the hallmarks of a great screenplay is how quickly a reader can become immersed in a story. The writing flies off the page, the dialogue zings, the action never lets up, and the characters instantly come to life.

Honey Mustard has all this and more… From page one Michael Kospiah’s feature-length Indie-Horror puts the pedal to the metal and never lets up in this blood-soaked and frenetically-paced whodunnit tale of action and revenge.

Ever wish you could press rewind on a particularly bad day?

We open on the emotionally wrought and tormented character of Stella in a scene of not-so domestic bliss. To say Stella’s having a bad day is rather an understatement. Having finally had enough of the abuse at the hands of her redneck husband, Oscar, (a small-
town cop, no less), Stella grabs a kitchen knife and a frying pan and in a violent frenzy dispatches him (albeit in self-defense) in short order.

What does Stella do next? Well, she grabs a ride with co-worker and secret lover Matilda, and sets off for work as if nothing happened, leaving her husband’s blood-soaked and lifeless body on the kitchen floor.

Stella’s a waitress at Mel’s Diner, an establishment we instantly recognise as being light on equal-opportunity in the workplace and heavy on juvenile frat-boy antics. And that’s just the guys working the grill. Usually Stella is stoic in the face of frequent taunts, sexual barbs and racial slurs, but the events of the morning have left her traumatized and her sanity hanging by a thread. Not to mention she’s now hallucinating the spectre of deadhusband Oscar, who continues to get inside her head and bark orders at her – including telling her to: ‘kill them all’.

The final straw in Stella’s awful day comes in the form of a nightmare customer – one Buford Blumpkin, and his seemingly innocuous request for -

Chicken Fingers with -
… a side of Honey Mustard

Little does Stella know that Buford not getting his precious honey mustard will set off a chain of events destined to throw the two of them on a deadly collision course.

Stella hurries through, struggling to keep it together.
Just as she passes Buford’s table –
He grabs her by the wrist, forcing her to a halt.

I’ve asked nicely, several times
now. And I’m starting to get the
feeling that you’re trying to
ignore me.

Her panic fades, now bristling with anger.
She violently pulls her hand away from his grasp
Giving him a look that could peel skin…

Touch me again, asshole, and I promise
it’ll be the last thing you ever do.

Now, Buford’s having a pretty bad day himself. His house is up for sale, he has a wife and son to support and fresh from the unemployment office he’s already bent out of shape. Not taking kindly to being treated like this he devises a little payback of his own.

After all the customer is always right, right?

When Stella returns to his table -

- Buford’s bill fold at his empty seat.
... she opens it to reveal -
Instead of a tip, Buford has written:
“Honey Mustard”

Two little words that might just prove fatal.

Especially as a little bit later we cut to a scene of utter carnage at the diner and a stunned Buford watching a news report on the television –

I’m standing in front of Mel’s Diner in the small,
rural town of Keaufax where six people were found
brutally murdered earlier today…

Nerves rattled, Buford continues to watch…

It seems like hell hath no fury like a server scorned. But all this over a lost tip?

What’s particularly disturbing for Buford however is that his wallet’s gone and now Stella knows exactly where he lives.

Don’t even imagine you can guess where this plot’s headed because the third act is a killer with its clever twists and turns, shocking reveals and high octane action. Just when you think you’ve got things sussed and the characters firmly pegged in their separate camps as good guys and bad guys, writer Michael Kospiah throws a curve ball into the mix that you won’t see coming.

Written with a sure hand and with a sly nod to 80s pulp slashers, Honey Mustard is a gory, funny, tense and suspenseful thrill ride with one helluva bad-ass lead female character. If you enjoyed Don’t Breathe, You’re Next, Villains, and one of my personal favourites, director Coralie Fergeat’s Revenge, you’re going to love this.

… Just one last thing before I hit the time-clock, and it’s a big tip of my own – Honey Mustard’s the special of the day - destined to join the ranks of horror/thriller sure-fire hits, or become a much loved Indie cult favourite. It’s going to be in big demand and because of this very likely to be on the table for a limited time only…

My suggestion: Get your order up fast, before it gets snapped off the menu. Just be sure to ask nicely.

As Stella would say - Y’all have an amazing day now.

The Script

Honey Mustard

After being stiffed, an unhinged waitress, hellbent on revenge, torments the customer who didn't tip her and his surprisingly resourceful family. "Don't Breathe" meets "Joker".

About The Reviewer

L. Chambers's picture
Real name: 

L.Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.Read more

About The Writer

Michael J Kospiah's picture
Real name: 

I'm an award-winning screenwriter, playwright and comedy writer based out of New York City. My first produced feature film, "The Suicide Theory" won the Audience Award at the 2014 Austin Film Festival as well as the Grand Jury Prize (Best Picture) at the Dances With Films Festival in Hollywood.The film was picked up for distribution in the US and Canada by Freestyle Releasings and was released in theaters on July 10, 2015.  After its theatrical release, the film enjoyed a...Read more