Turf Wars - Crossing Lawns (and Old Men) is Never Good | Script Revolution

Turf Wars - Crossing Lawns (and Old Men) is Never Good

Turf Wars
A grieving elderly widower and a misunderstood school drop-out fight over the man's lawn only to find new comfort and companionship in an unexpected way.

Author Fiona Faith Rose brings us Turf Wars, a comedy not only packed with outstanding visual humour, but moments of tenderness as well.

We open on old man Bill Henning, casting a rheumy eye over the pride and joy that is his front lawn. A lawn that initially appears perfect. But upon closer inspection, we find the thin tire tracks of a bike scored into the soil.

Upon finding the marks, Bill grunts his displeasure and returns to painstaking work with a pair of shears in hand. Only to be soon interrupted by the perpetrator and his two wheeled weapon of choice, teenager Darren - who speeds past the old man and traces further marks across Bill’s beloved grass.

Enough is enough! Bill hatches a plan.

Bill casts his eye over his perfect velvet lawn, diagonally scarred by thin tyre-tracks. He grunts, wipes his nose on his sleeve, then lines up his long-handled shears on a wire he has stretched between two stakes to guide his edge...

...and trims the straggly grass to a neat fringe.

Behind him, an old but deadly pedal bike shoots in from left field and traces the tyre-tracks...

...ridden by scruffy DARREN (15), buzz-cut school dropout.

Bill shakes his fist at the boy’s disappearing back.


Eat-my-shit laughter reaches him on the slip stream.

Bill tenses, angry-gorilla-style, then narrows his eyes, rubs his chin.

Bill strikes back at his teenage oppressor, but Darren won’t let it lie either.  Escalating quickly into a comedic tit for tat battle between the two.

In lesser hands, this short could descent into a farcical conflict between the ages, but Rose has created a work of greater depth. The true meaning of the lawn for Bill is soon revealed. But will he be able to save it from Darren, and will the two be able to find some kind of truce to stop a seemingly inevitable war?

At just four pages, Turf Wars is an easy read; but one that leaves both an emotional and comedic impact on the reader. As visual comedy and carnage abound, it is undeniably a funny short, a story just waiting for the right producer to come along and bring life to this emotion laden chaotic gem.


The Script

Turf Wars

An elderly widower and a school drop-out fight over the man's lawn only to find comfort and companionship in an unexpected way.

About The Reviewer

Cam Gray's picture
Real name: 

Surreal comedies are my release, but everyone else seems to like my dramas so I've put them up here for the sensible readers...

Recently graduated from the London Film School and I'm now attempting to get some of these wonderful pieces of work out there into the real world. If you're keen on any of them, or actually have comments and thoughts (they're genuinely always welcome), let me know.

Current masterpieces include a drama that stars a peacock and a single mother,...Read more

About The Writer

Fiona Faith Ross's picture
Real name: 

UPDATE: April 2020

Supernatural thriller finished, (with a dash of horror). I was lucky enough to be mentored by Clive Frayne for that one.



So, CJ asks...

  • Where your passion lies.
  • Your journey so far.
  • Where you want to go.
  • What makes you special?
  • What you’re working on.

It's a kick up the ***. Five times. Got me thinking.

Writing a bio is crap, mostly, anyway. I don't think writers...Read more