Turf Wars by Fiona Faith Ross | Script Revolution

Turf Wars



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An elderly widower and a school drop-out fight over the man's lawn only to find comfort and companionship in an unexpected way.

Lonely widower Bill takes pride in having the perfect prize-winning lawn, only to have young hoodlum Darren ruin it by riding his pedal bike over it, until Bill takes revenge. Full-on war turns smooth velvet into muddy battlefield, until Bill has a brainwave of a compromise.

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Turf Wars
A grieving elderly widower and a misunderstood school drop-out fight over the man's lawn only to find new comfort and companionship in an unexpected way.

Author Fiona Faith Rose brings us Turf Wars, a comedy not only packed with outstanding visual humour, but moments of tenderness as well.

We open on old man Bill Henning, casting a rheumy eye over the pride and joy that is his front lawn. A lawn that initially appears perfect. But upon closer inspection, we find the thin tire tracks of a bike scored into the soil.

Upon finding the marks, Bill grunts his displeasure and returns to painstaking work with a pair of shears in hand. Only to be soon interrupted by the perpetrator and his two wheeled weapon of choice, teenager Darren - who speeds past the old man and traces further marks across Bill’s beloved grass.

Enough is enough! Bill hatches a plan.

Bill casts his eye over his perfect velvet lawn, diagonally scarred by thin tyre-tracks. He grunts, wipes his nose on his sleeve, then lines up his long-handled shears on a wire he has stretched between two stakes to guide his edge...

...and trims the straggly grass to a neat fringe.

Behind him, an old but deadly pedal bike shoots in from left field and traces the tyre-tracks...

...ridden by scruffy DARREN (15), buzz-cut school dropout.

Bill shakes his fist at the boy’s disappearing back.


Eat-my-shit laughter reaches him on the slip stream.

Bill tenses, angry-gorilla-style, then narrows his eyes, rubs his chin.

Bill strikes back at his teenage oppressor, but Darren won’t let it lie either.  Escalating quickly into a comedic tit for tat battle between the two.

In lesser hands, this short could descent into a farcical conflict between the ages, but Rose has created a work of greater depth. The true meaning of the lawn for Bill is soon revealed. But will he be able to save it from Darren, and will the two be able to find some kind of truce to stop a seemingly inevitable war?

At just four pages, Turf Wars is an easy read; but one that leaves both an emotional and comedic impact on the reader. As visual comedy and carnage abound, it is undeniably a funny short, a story just waiting for the right producer to come along and bring life to this emotion laden chaotic gem.


Review by Cam Gray
Submitted: December 9, 2018
Last Updated: April 27, 2020

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The Writer: Fiona Faith Ross

UPDATE: April 2020 Supernatural thriller finished, (with a dash of horror). I was lucky enough to be mentored by Clive Frayne for that one. FADE IN. So, CJ asks... Where your passion lies. Your journey so far. Where you want to go. What makes you special? What you’re working on. It's a kick up the ***. Five times. Got me thinking. Writing a bio is crap, mostly, anyway. I don't think writers should write their own bios. There are PR people to do that, but since this is my own work, I'll try to squash the inner doubt ( why am I even doing this? ) and get a firmer grip on my sanity. 'It's not me, it's you.' I remember the tender age I moved up to Middle School. Even then I suspected the world... Go to bio

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