Who Said Penis?
Thanksgiving dinner at a Bel Air mansion comes with turkey and all the trimmings, plus an anatomy lesson from a 7-year-old.
In these stressful times, suble humor generally fails to make us laugh. Sure, puns and observational irony has its refined place. But when the roar of suffering drowns all else out, wordplay’s just too nuanced to break through the pain.
In moments like these, sledgehammer humor is what does the trick. Blunt, in-your-face shock value such as South Park (at its best.) In that genre comes (no pun intended, we swear) Adam Rocke’s “Who Said Penis?” No, there’s no double-entendres in this title. Who Said’s kinda like SNL’s Schweddy Balls skit with Alec Baldwin. IE: funny in a blunt doesn’t-end way. And what you see is what you get.
Though the same might not be said for protagonist Adam (19). Though “reasonably handsome”, Adam’s just started dating rich girl Priscilla. Both in looks and wealth, Priscilla’s waaaaaaay out of his league.
Needless to say, Adam’s smitten. So when Priscilla asks him to join her for a Thanksgiving meal with her folks, his answer is an eager, metaphorical “yes, please!”. Which opens the floodgates to Adam discovering just HOW privileged Priscilla is. (Seriously, we’re talking Bezos level here):
PRISCILLA
I know we’ve only been dating a few
weeks, but I want you to come home
with me for Thanksgiving.
ADAM (V.O.)
19 years and I’ve never missed
Thanksgiving with my family, but if
this relationship had any chance of
succeeding, saying no wasn’t part
of the equation.
Adam smiles wide.
ADAM
Absolutely.
PRISCILLA
Great! My plane will be here at
nine.
Priscilla gives Adam a ‘come hither’ with her finger...
He bends down and she kisses him on the lips.
PRISCILLA
See ya later.
She puts the car in gear and drives off. After a beat...
ADAM
(dumbfounded)
My plane?!
One champagne laden flight later, Adam and Priscilla climb into a limo – cruising past every richer looking McMansions. The biggest being (of course) hers.
ADAM
(awestruck)
You grew up here?
PRISCILLA
(casual indifference)
Yeah. It's not as big as our summer
house in the Hamptons, but it’s okay.
Led to the Thanksgiving table, Adam tries to keep his cool as he soaks in all the style. And meets Princilla’s family: Among the 23 guests - Grandpa Thruxton, Alcoholic Aunt Joy, and seven year old nephew Timmy.
As the turkey’s carved, Grandpa Thruxton grunts awake from his nap.
Grandpa Thruxton's eyes snap open like motion sensors detecting an intruder.
GRANDPA THRUXTON
(booming voice)
WHO SAID PENIS?!
At that, Cousin Patricia spit-takes. And Timmy – no shocker there - takes his cue. You know how kids say the dardest things? Well, rich ones do that, too. And they often don’t have the discipline to stop either…
TIMMY jumps up onto his chair with the bearing of a politician addressing Congress.
TIMMY
Penis! Penis! Penis!
(pulls down his pants and points)
Look! I have a penis!
Timmy rotates his body back and forth, making sure everyone gets a good look at his manhood-to-be.
Directors, you can TOTALLY fake, imply off-screen and blur that out, of course!
After that, things go even further downhill. Believe it or not, that’s possible – with multiple family members chiming in.
How does it end? Well, it’s no spoiler that the word “Penis” gets used... a lot. Not so much in a crude way, but satirical. A fun skit that rips on the 1%’s aspirations of refinement, Who Said Penis isn’t high art, but it’s the kind of humor that has the potential to bluntly whack an audience’s funny bone (no pun meant there, either). And we all need that now and then!