Blackballed by William Kuechenberg | Script Revolution




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A washed-up uncompromising director must return to an industry that reviles him to avoid losing everything. One problem: the only studio willing fund his magnum opus demands he make it a porno.

A Persons Magazine Exclusive:

Sam Smykmenowicz. We all know him. Show me a person in this country who didn't grow up watching the "Megacosm" hexalogy and I'll ask if I can interview that person that was raised by wolves. Ever since ol' Sammy burnt all his bridges in spectacular fashion at the '88 Oscars, he's been remembered more as a Hollywood eccentric than a famed auteur (much to his chagrin: see my article "SAM SMYKMENOWICZ GOT DRUNK AND THREATENED TO BURN MY HOUSE DOWN AFTER I CALLED HIM A HACK ON TWITTER").

It seems Sam's gone too far. Recent reports show that Sam's famous anger finally came back to haunt him. Word around the Hollywood campfire is that he broke the nose of a studio exec while trying to sell him unreturned props. Said executive sued him for six million dollars he doesn't have. You'd think the guy who made the most successful sci-fi film franchise of all time would have a little more money, right? Guess his high-profile divorce from leading lady Mary Szu ("Megacosm"s I-VI, "The Courtesan's Empire") cost him dearly.

But wait, fellow gossip-mongers, there's more! A little bird told me that Sammy S has been using the last of his withered influence to get meetings around town to pitch a movie he's described as "his magnum opus." One studio even made an offer! That would be industry upstarts Fluid Fiction Films, the record-breaking porn studio. Despite enormous financial success, all of their attempts to bring porn into the mainstream have so far been failures. Seems they're courting Mr. Smykmenowicz (spellcheck is having a stroke looking at that name) to bring them over to the world of wide studio release. But it seems doubtful our old Sam is going to stoop to making porn.

So, as Sam descends further into alcoholism, despondency, and irrelevance, a lawsuit looming over his head and his family coming apart, the question remains for the man who was once described as "the most uncompromising man in Hollywood:" is this is it for Sam Smykmenowicz?

Submitted: November 30, 2017
Last Updated: November 30, 2017

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The Writer: William Kuechenberg

Born into the wild wilderness of Northwest Indiana, I was above-average in all things academic and below-average in all things important. Having had my head filled with all manner of delusions of guaranteed success, I resolved to one day make my living creating the only things that made sense to me: film and television. This was, in retrospect, a rather foolish idea, and I should have instead tried for something more practical and easier to break into, like becoming the president or the first person to pitch a perfect game on Mars. I went to Indiana University of Bloomington, the finest collegiate institution that was willing to give me a discount. I got two degrees: one in Film Analysis,... Go to bio

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