Cracked Aces

Our hero, virtuoso poker player, TOMMY borrows twenty-large from his unhinged loan shark, POSEIDON, for a high-stakes tournament. The deal: If he wins, he's free forever. If he loses ... well, you get the idea. When Tommy makes it to the final table, KAZIMIR, a Russian mobster, convinces him to throw the game, so his daughter LILIYA can win. Tommy likes his kneecaps, and reluctantly agrees. But Lady Luck rears her ugly head, and Tommy gets an ill-timed miracle card, accidentally WINNING the tournament! Caught between a Russian and a hard place, he grabs the prize money and bolts, with the mob (and Poseidon) dogging his heels. Outside, he jumps into a cab, driven by GIZMO and his daughter, CATALINA, and double times it to his ex, VICTORIA, owner of the best brothel in Pahrump. Victoria gives Tommy a less-than-warm reception, but lets him stay. The next morning Poseidon informs Tommy’s mom is his “guest.” He has 24 hours to pay … or else. And, since bad luck comes in threes, the Russians track him down. THUNK! He wakes up in the desert, buried up to his neck. He fast-talks Liliya (and ultimately, Poseidon) into a winner-take-all tournament. The game is on! Poseidon leaves his nephew, KRISTOS, to guard Eleanor. Meanwhile, Gizmo and Catalina begin a different game. At Poseidon’s, Catalina sells Girl Scout cookies to Kristos, and tases him. They tie him up and liberate Eleanor (and Poseidon’s cash safe). Back at the tournament, it’s heads up between Tommy and Poseidon. Gizmo, disguised as a delivery man, enters the Russian’s gun warehouse. They drop off Poseidon’s safe. Catalina sneaks in back, and grabs an Uzi. The final hand. Tommy sets up a major bluff and WINS! At the other end of town, Catalina walks into a police station with the Uzi. The cops go nuts. The Russians return to find Poseidon’s safe. An anonymous caller tells a Poseidon that his safe has been found. He hoofs it to the Russian’s warehouse. WHOOP! WHOOP! Tommy realizes he’s run away from everything his entire. He decides now is the time to run TOWARDS a future … with Victoria. The whole crazy, screwed up gang split a boatload of money, and they all have a Vegas-style happy ending (the legal kind).