Hitched

It’s Christmas Eve and a blizzard hits the outskirts of a rural town. TED, a travelling salesman, stops to help a desperate hitch-hiker, AVRIL, who is out in the storm. A female narrator tells us: “No two love stories are the same. Like fingerprints, they're beautifully and intricately unique... but no love story was as unique as ours.” As they head for a nearby town, the radio bulletin updates on a serial killer, nicknamed the Baptist, who has claimed a fifth victim. Ted freaks out - his wife is home alone while this psycho is out there waiting to claim another life. “My wife's home alone. I don't want her to become this guy's latest victim,” Ted tells her. “Who said it's a he?” she replies ominously. They argue about the merits of men v women murderers when they pass a service station. Avril goes to use the ramshackle toilets when her devilish streak is revealed, slicing off a pervert’s genitals as he propositions her. Completely unphased by the carnage she’s caused in the toilet, she gets back in Ted’s car as if nothing’s happened and they continue their journey. After a while, Avril hears a noise in the back of the car. “It must be an animal trapped in the suspension,” Ted claims as he pulls the car over and gets out to investigate. Avril becomes nervous and suspicious and draws her knife. She gets out of the car and moves towards the open boot of the vehicle where she sees a body wrapped in a blanket. It twitches. She screams. Suddenly, Ted grabs her from behind. They struggle and Avril escapes into nearby woods. Ted gives chase, tracking her down by her footprints in the snow to an isolated barn. The female narrator returns: “Even when I was running away from you, when I finally saw who you really were, I wasn't really running. I knew you'd catch up with me. In fact, I wanted you to. Because the pain I knew you’d inflict on me was nothing next to the agony of not having you at all.” Just as he moves in for the kill, Avril leaps on him with the knife drawn. They wrestle. Ted pins her down and tightens a leather strap around her neck. She holds the knife to his throat in a tense stand off. But then, they start to kiss, tenderly at first before it erupts into quick, savage animalistic passion. Both spent, they laugh and reveal they are married. “A waste of time, you said. Marriage counselling would never work, you said,” Ted mocks. Laughing, Avril replies: “Alright, alright. Everyone's right at least once. I guess I didn't bank on the role play being so - exhilarating.” When they return to the car, hand-in-hand, Avril nonchalantly asks Ted who is in the boot. “It’s your Christmas present. It was for tomorrow morning, unless…” he replies. As Avril opens the boot and pulls down the blanket, she’s eye to eye with a middle-aged woman. She looks at Avril, then her eyes fall on Ted and she smiles. The final time we hear from the narrator: “Our love was unique. Beautiful, intricate. It made me do the unthinkable – even sacrificing myself to make you happy. God, I love you Ted.” Avril gleefully takes her knife and slaughters the body in the bag. “Merry Christmas honey,” Ted says as he watches on.