Losing Rudolph

It's the afternoon of Christmas Eve and most of Santa's reindeer are gearing up for the big ride later that evening; all but one. Lying among the snowbank are Blitzen, the loudmouth, Cupid, the eternal lover, Dasher the elitist, Prancer the gay reindeer, Comet, the fast talker, Donner the pessimist and Rudy's father, the sexy Vixen, and the ever-happy, ever-rapping, Dancer. With a dense fog setting in, a grumpy Santa snaps the boys to attention. He takes count and realizes Rudy is missing... again. At the local North Pole bar, Rudy is well on his way into his fifth Cosmo, his famous nose as dimly lit as his eyeballs. Next to him, his doe-girl, Clarice, a cigarette hangs from her cherry-red lipsticked lips, plastic jewelry adorns her furry ears; she's prime grade white trash reindeer. The bar door swings open, and snow swirls around to reveal a pissed-off Donner. Donner drags the drunk Rudy back to Santa and the gang, then they all hitch up and shoot up into the night. Led by the drunk Rudy, the sleigh careens erratically through the cloud bank, Santa's finally had it, cracks the whip, and the sleigh shoots downward toward the village below. The gift-laden sleigh makes an ice-crunching slide down the main street, Santa jumps out, grabs Rudy, and drags his drunk ass to a building, the sign over the door reads, "Animated Alcoholics Anonymous - Whoville Chapter". Seated in the famous circle of chairs, Rudy, the Grinch, the Easter Bunny, a well-known soda-drinking Polar Bear, a Leprechaun, and an ever-melting Snowman who ain't so frosty. With the Grinch leading the conversation, one by one they begin to tell their pathetic stories, and soon, Rudy is awake enough to continue the Christmas run. But when they all stand and search for Santa, they discover the old geezer is slumped on the floor by the donut table, a hidden whiskey flask in his hand, the contents now consumed. With no other choice, Rudy asks the Grinch to drive the sleigh, and they whoosh off into the night sky.