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Comedy Series Logline / Synopsis. Does this peak your interest?

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Joleene DesRosiers's picture
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Joined: Dec 2020
Comedy Series Logline / Synopsis. Does this peak your interest?

Below is a logline and synopsis for a comedic series I am working on. Both of these elements are part of a series bible. Looking for objective feedback from those out there who also write comedic series/bibles. Does the idea peak your interest? Am I missing anything?

LOGLINE  
After an anxiety-ridden public access TV producer is forced into the role of local game show host at her station, she struggles with unwanted fame and expectations.

SERIES SYNOPSIS 
SUNDAY GUY (31) is an average producer at a below-average public broadcast station, looking to live an above-average life. Despite the fact she suffers anxiety attacks when she's overwhelmed, Sunday dreams of being a producer on an investigative TV crime show. But that dream comes to a screeching halt when a regional game show host keels over and dies live, on the air, changing the status of the little public broadcast station and Sunday's life.

Sunday, the producer of the game show ‘Stump The Student,’ takes on a new level of anxiety after she is convinced by Director MACY HAAS (62) to take the dead guy’s place. As the mortified high school contestants watch the dead host being dragged out of the studio, Sunday manages to keep the live game show going, despite needing to breathe heavily into a paper bag once or twice. The broadcast of the entire show goes viral, and suddenly Sunday is a sensation. 

Enter Sunday's mother, CELIA (50s), a fallen con-artist who has no home and no money. Desperate for a new con, she moves in with Sunday, secretly armed with ideas on how to bank on the viral video. If Celia has her way (and trust that she will), this won’t be the first viral video for her to bank on. To hide beneath her plan, Celia declares she will become Sunday's PR person. Despite Celia’s selfish ways, she ends up doing a bang up job and Sunday becomes a national sensation. 

This whirlwind of change blows in just as Macy is about to retire. Before this, she was counting down the days. But she decides to stick around as new life is breathed into the show by associate producer, CHIP TUCKER (23). 

Sunday Guy is a half-hour comedy series that follows Sunday on her unwanted journey to success. She doesn’t want to be a game show host. But each time she tries to move out of the role, she is reminded by outsiders that she should be so lucky. She has fame. She has fortune. She even has a handsome Ken doll look-alike on her arm in all the rag mags. But none of it makes her happy.

To add insult to injury, if Sunday leaves the show the station will fall into financial stress and jobs will be lost. So when her identical twin sister, TUESDAY GUY, shows up to help Sunday cope with the madness of unwanted fame and their con-artist mother, Sunday wonders if Tuesday just might be the answer to keeping the show alive, the station financially strong, and her path to her crime show passion unblocked. 

Brian J. Libby's picture
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Joined: Aug 2020

The premise is solid but it really comes down to the quality of the characters (I don't get more than a cursory feel for them here) and, because it's a comedy, whether it's funny. Perhaps you could add more insight about what the characters are like and give more of a taste of the series' humor (you give some indication of the type of humor to expect -- blowing into the bag, dragging the dead host off during the show -- but I'd emphasize it more). The only real character insight that we get here is that Sunday is anxious and reserved and that Celia is a deadbeat. I want to know why I should like and feel empathy for the star, Sunday. 

Joleene DesRosiers's picture
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Joined: Dec 2020

Thank you, Brian. That's very helpful. 

Brian J. Libby's picture
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Joined: Aug 2020

Good luck, Joleene. If you end up revising it, I'd be happy to take another look.

Joleene DesRosiers's picture
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Joined: Dec 2020

Thank you. I'll take you up on that!

Greg Harvey's picture
authenticated user
Joined: Jul 2020

I love it. An interesting premise with Sunday landing unwanted fame and attention, then others being dependent on her to keep that up. Adding Tuesday sounds an interesting twist too. My only suggestion is to tighten up/shorten her description in the logline. Best of luck.

Joleene DesRosiers's picture
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Joined: Dec 2020

Gentlemen - First of all, thank you for taking the time to review this! Based on the suggestions from both of you, I tweaked the logline a bit, and added more humor/character description to the synopsis.

LOGLINE 
After an anxiety-ridden TV producer is forced into the role of local game show host at her public access TV station, she struggles with unwanted fame and expectations.

SERIES SYNOPSIS
SUNDAY GUY (31) is an average producer at a below-average public access station, looking to live an above-average life. Despite the fact she suffers anxiety attacks when she's overwhelmed (which often manifests into verbal fits of anger), Sunday dreams of being a producer on an investigative TV crime show. But that dream comes to a screeching halt when a regional game show host keels over and dies  - live, on the air  - changing the status of the little television station and Sunday's life.

Sunday,  producer of WCPX’s Stump The Student, takes on a new level of anxiety after she is convinced by Director MACY HAAS (62) to take the dead guy’s place. As the mortified high school contestants watch the deceased host being dragged out of the studio, Sunday manages to keep the live game show going, despite needing to breathe heavily into a paper bag once or twice. The broadcast of the entire show goes viral, and suddenly Sunday is a sensation. 

Enter Sunday's mother, CELIA (50s), a fallen con-artist who has no home and no money.  Desperate for a new con, she moves in with Sunday, secretly armed with ideas on how to bank on the viral video. If Celia has her way (and trust that she will), this won’t be the first viral video she cashes in on. To hide beneath her plan, Celia declares she will become Sunday's PR person. Despite Celia’s selfish ways, she ends up doing a bang up job and Sunday becomes a national sensation. 

Sunday doesn’t wanna be a sensation. 

But holy crap, everyone else thinks she’s crazy to not appreciate the recognition. Meredith Vieira wants to do a Pepsodent commercial with her. Drew Carey keeps sending her love letters. And Alex Trebek visits her in her dreams with game show hosting tips.

This whirlwind of change at WCPX blows in just as Macy is about to retire. Before this, she was counting down the days and could give a shit about the little public broadcast station. But she decides to stick around as new life is breathed into her and the show by the overly ambitious (and frankly, often annoying) gay associate producer, CHIP TUCKER (23). This astrology-loving optimist (who regularly refers to the “work of the Universe” in just about every conversation) also wants extreme success,  and he will push Sunday to the brink until he gets it.
 

Sunday Guy is a half-hour comedy series that follows Sunday on her unwanted journey to national success. Is this really how it’s supposed to go down? Who the hell wants to make their mark at the podium of a public broadcast high school quiz show? But each time she tries to move out of the role, she is reminded by outsiders that she should be so lucky. She has fame. She has fortune. She even has a handsome Ken doll look-alike on her arm in all the rag mags. But none of it makes her happy.

To add insult to injury, if Sunday gives up the role, WCPX will fall into financial stress and jobs will be lost. So when her identical twin sister, TUESDAY GUY, shows up to help Sunday cope with the madness of unwanted fame and their con-artist mother, Sunday wonders if Tuesday just might be the answer to keeping the show alive, the station financially strong, and her path to her crime show passion unblocked.

Brian J. Libby's picture
Rockstar
Joined: Aug 2020

I think that's great, Joleene! I get a much better feel for the characters and the type of humor to expect. I'd definitely give the pilot a go to see whether the series would be something I can get hooked on. If you upload the script for public viewing, please let me know.

 

David Lambertson's picture
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Joined: Aug 2016

Joleene - I certainly think this has legs. There was one premise that was kind of dropped IMO. Sunday dreams of being a be a producer on an investigative crime show.  There was no "why" there for me and I think that is important given the fact that the crux of the story deals with her doing something (the game show) that she does not really want to do. That's the tug. Her actual career contrasts with her dream career. So, I thought there should be a "why" there. Perhaps she had a father or a fiance that was murdered and the case was never solved so she wanted to become kind of like a female John Walsh. Perhaps she should have a therapist that counsels her that the growing gap between what she is doing vs. what she wants to do is contributing to her anxiety.

Anyway - just musing. I like the premise.

 

Joleene DesRosiers's picture
Rockstar
Joined: Dec 2020

Thank you, David. I appreciate the musing. Never hurts!

Kaye Koddy's picture
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Joined: Dec 2019

Hi Joleene, both versions of the synopsis read well. The characters are vivid and set up humorous conflicts and interactions. It sounds like a fun premise for behind the scenes antics on a game show. I think you can bring out a few more details on the show and suggest the stakes for participants and the setting.

The protagonist, Sunday, seems a little blurry though. I'm not sure if you're giving her enough playable traits. You mention she has anxiety attacks, but there aren't a lot of varied ways to show that. What's her personality really like and how is it comically incongruous with being a game show host?

Joleene DesRosiers's picture
Rockstar
Joined: Dec 2020

@Kaye - thanks! I posted this in January and have since moved forward with the synopsis as a submission for Screencraft's Virtual Pitch Competition. It looks like my version is buttoned up tight, because my pitch for SUNDAY GUY made it to the semifinals!

Thanks to all who offered input. If I could close the thread I would. 

I've since had to do a recorded virtual pitch to see if it makes it to the finals. FINGERS CROSSED!

Craig Parsons's picture
authenticated user
Joined: Apr 2021

I think the idea sounds quite entertaining.  Congrats on progressing your vision!

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