The Soul Man

A man kills himself before he can be convicted of insider trading. In Heaven, he's told that he is going to be reincarnated - like it or not. He tries to tell the attendant that he'll only kill himself again. The attendant sends him back to Earth anyway, and he does just that. He can't get the official to realize that he doesn't want to live at all. . . as anything. The attendant tries to outwit the man by sending him back to Earth as things that can't act for themselves yet - like a newborn baby or a puppy with his eyes still closed. As soon as he can, the man commits suicide again. The attendant realizes this is fruitless and decides he'll need another soul - the man's wife. The man pleads to take her place, swearing he'll behave if she is allowed to live. He is sent back to Earth as a newborn field mouse. . . which his old cat promptly kills and drops, as a trophy, near the man's wife.