Toasted

Mr. Smith and Mrs. Smith live separate lives in separate houses. His, in an upscale neighborhood, is neat as a pin. Hers, in the rough end of town, is dirty and mouse infested.

She contacts the pest extermination service, RID-ALL. A Man comes to her house and rids her of her mouse problem. She asks him if he can get rid of her husband, saying she'll pay him handsomely when she gets her husbands life insurance money.

The Man agrees and promises to send her a condolence card when the deed is done.

Meanwhile, over at Mr. Smith's house, he makes his breakfast of tea and toast. The toast jams in the toaster. Mr. Smith, unplugs the toaster and, with a fork, pries the toast loose. He then butters it and spreads it with marmalade. The kettle whistles. Mr. Smith lifts it off the stove and begins filling the teapot.

Just then the Man leans on the doorbell. Mr. Smith, startled by the sudden noise sloshes water on the floor. He answers the door. The Man takes a silenced gun out of a bag he's holding and shoots Mr. Smith in the heart. Mr. Smith crumples to the floor and the Man pushes his way inside the house.

He presses Mr. Smith's palm into the pool of blood and stamps the inside of a condolence card with the bloody handprint. He writes a short message, seals the card in its envelope, addresses it to Mrs. Smith and sticks it in his bag.

He goes in the kitchen, eats the toast Mr. Smith made. Still hungry, he plugs the toaster back in and inserts a couple more slices of bread. He waits for it to toast standing in the water Mr. Smith spilled. The toast jams. Without first unplugging the toaster, he stabs at the toast with a fork, zapping the toaster and electrocuting himself.

That evening, as Mrs. Smith happily watches her favorite show on tv, she's aggravated by a persistent ringing of her doorbell. She answers the door, shocked to find a police officer and woman detective on her doorstep. The detective holds up an evidence bag clearly displaying the condolence card. Mrs. Smith faints.